Love or Arranged?

I wasn’t in any mood to think about marriages, when I was bugged by a phone call. It was none other than my friend Deo, who is desperate to get married and is not able to find a match for himself.

He has this fascination to go for a love marriage and no matter how much his mom tries to persuade him, he is ever adamant on not meeting a girl whom his mom has chosen for him.

While having a conversation with him, I was forced to think about the pros and cons of love and arrange marriages. Without going into the reasoning and logic behind going for one and not the other, at the end of the day, what matters is that one should be able to find happiness in the relationship and I believe a lot depends on how we conduct ourselves and are not rigid enough to be not open to one’s partner’s point of view.

As you might want to agree with me that marriages or for that matter any relationship is based on give and take and compromise. Compromise or better say, doing something for your partner, shouldn’t come across as a forced thing, for if it does then it results in bad taste which might become bad enough and might lead to a divorce, and this can happen in both arrange and love marriage.

So, whether one goes for a love/arrange marriage, he/she should try to find happiness when your partner is happy. This is the billion dollar remedy to all marriage woes, though easier said than done.

Well, in my case, I think I am destined for a love marriage and you? 😉

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3 thoughts on “Love or Arranged?

  1. Well said. To me, marriage is not when is one takes the “SAT PHERE” with some one of either your’s or family’s choice, but when both of you know and understand each other enough and decide to live together. So the the very question of ‘this’ or ‘that’ should not arise. If one is in love with some one (not the one which happen because of too many Bollywood movies side effect), if two adults have had a long relationship, its only an indication that they got something in common (its not so obvious though), otherwise, one must wait to discover each other.

    “Marriage is not an occasion of “SAT PHERE” but a life long process which only starts with finding a congenial companion, the real process starts there after”.

    So, for those who has already found one, there should not be a question of this or that. Just go ahed with your decision. Its your life, and no one, I repeat, NO ONE understands you well other than you.

    Coming to other side of the story. Not everyone is lucky enough (some might be tempted to uses some other adjective, feel free to replace ‘lucky’ at your will…), to find right companion for whatever reason. In that case, one must spend enough time to know each other, no matter how it begins either from family’s side or through matrimonial sites. One must hurry into Bollywood style. Take your time! The objective should be to discover each other. And if you are not happy wit hit without compromising anything, you should give it a quit, even at the disappointment of your family (that will be only for a while). BUT, ALWAYS GIVE THE AND DISCUSS THE POINT OF DISAGREEMENT WITH THE PERSON IN FRONT. Even, Kasab got a chance to explain his position, the other person in front of you deserve a chance to discuss it at the bare minimum.

    all said, “The success in marriage is more about being right mate than finding right mate”.

    (can not write more, otherwise, my comment would become bigger than the article itself) 🙂


  2. I really like your analysis and ending in particular 😉 . And the point about being the right partner is really well brought out. This is very true, one needs to make marriages work. So as well pointed out, if you got one then go after her/him because zindagi na milegi dobara ;).

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