A couple of days back, I was having this conversation with a very dear friend of mine who was all set to meet a girl arranged by his and the girl’s parents. The only question that was on his mind at that time was how will he know whether she is the right one for him.
Such questions do arise in all our lives and sometimes we are left wanting as sometimes there is no clear answer to such questions. If I want to explain this situation in purely psychological terms, its all about perceptions and making a decision based on the same perceptions which might be accompanied by the various inbuilt biases in the very process and mechanism of decision making.
Nevertheless, one has no escape when it comes to chosing the right one for themselves and they are left with no alternative but to chose from the list of people that their relatives might have prepared for them. Of course they can keep on waiting till they, in their own thinking find the right one, but someday for sure they will be making that one very important decision of their lives.
This brings us to a question as to how we can actually define the right one. Does that person need to posess all the qualities that our elders and forefathers used to talk about e.g. sabhya, sushil (in case of girls) and khandani etc. (in case of guys)? Or as our modern generation would like to portray it, that person should meet all the criteria that one has in mind for him/her, which might be too individualistic at times.
With the kind of society we live in and the concept of joint families that are still existant in many families across India, there is a great chance that one might not chose according to the wishes of the family as their criteria might not converge with one’s own criteria.
Then what’s the way out? Or Is there any way out of such a situation?
Well! As far as my understanding about a relationship goes, in any kind of relationship whether its being arranged or whether one is chosing for himself/herself based on the bonhomie between a couple; the basic ingredients that would decide the success and failure of a relationship are very much the same.
One needs to have a sense of giving and a desire to adjust and make at least some compromises. It is indeed very difficult for a girl to go on making compromises and that’s where a guy has to step in and take on his share of responsibility.
If both the guy and the girl are prepared to do what I just said, then everything will turn out to be just right and every girl or the guy would turn out to be the right one.