Shopping Wopping!

I would want to believe that majority of guys don’t like shopping when it comes to your wives and girlfriends dragging you to the market place especially after a plethora of emotional dialogues and blackmail, and leaving you with no other choice but to comply to their sweet will.

Some of you might toe in line and pretend to like the very idea thinking that since you are already there, you might as well enjoy the entire experience. The rest, on the other hand, would crib and act as if they are going through the torture of their lives, making it sure that the girlfriend or the wife comes to know about the same and hoping that they wouldn’t be dragged from next time around, but little do they realize they would not only become a punching bag for their better halves on reaching home but would also have to go through a hell lot of serious torture while trying to provide a proof of your love towards your better half.shopping

Intelligent are those who tend to pretend liking the entire shopping experience as they are then treated by their better halves in the most wonderful and sensual of mannerism which any guy could die for.

Does it mean that every guy should try to alter the very core of their personalities and start liking shopping? Well, not really but surely you should at least give it a thought and try to fall in the former category in case you want your love life to remain peaceful at all times.

But won’t it mean compromising too much? Wasn’t it meant to be a give and take relationship? Wasn’t it meant to be a mutually desirable and pleasurable experience?

If you guys out there are wondering about all the above questions, then you are true to the core persona, but little do you realize that when you tend to enter into a relationship, it is 90% of the time that women have a knack of making you do what you might least want to do, considering the kind of manipulation power and in turn intelligence that they seem to be born with.

I wonder why women have a stereotypical view of being called stupid and are labelled such by our society. If anyone in this world has a doubt regarding whether they are or not, might want to think about it again after giving recognition to the wonderful knack that they have developed in pursuing a guy to toe to their will.

Well, this is just one perspective and it would be unfair on my part, if I fail to present the views of the fairer sex on the same.shopping wopping

For a girl, shopping is equivalent to a lifeline that they get in return for what all they go through during their life. It is similar to a guy’s lifeline of say watching IPL or any sports or pursuing any particular hobby that is so near and dear to him.

It surely makes them happy. A guy would wonder why and how spending nearly half the guy’s income can make anybody happy, but the truth is, that it does for majority of the girls. After all, it is about maintaining a certain level of happiness quotient in life, which they do so by indulging in shopping. Not to mention that there are indeed mature souls on this planet who take a different view altogether and who spend only when there is enough to spend and do not dive into a careless spree of buying anything and everything that comes to their mind.

Recently, I happened to be talking to one such mature lady, a relative (R) of mine (M), with whom I happened to have a wonderful conversation regarding shopping.

You know, it feels really nice when my husband asks me to go out with him to the market place. It does not necessarily mean that I would spend money but just the idea of my husband taking care of my feelings and giving what I want a consideration makes me happy.”—–R

Yes, I can understand. It feels that the other person cares for you.”—-M

Ya, absolutely! Also, I like seeing new things. I like witnessing the kind of fashion that is prevalent now a days. I like to do window shopping more than actually going out there and buying every possible item I can think of. It is also about spending some quality time with your husband which you normally don’t get a chance because you are so engrossed in your daily routine and don’t find time for such activities. It is very much a break for all ladies.”—-R

True. And everyone desires a change from the monotony that ensues courtesy the kind of Indian society we all happen to live in, where the woman in the house, at least from your generation is expected to get up everyday in the morning and is expected to take care of all the needs of not only the husband and children but also the entire family, ranging from grandfather to brother-in-laws, especially in a joint family.”—-M

Ya, and see how wonderfully we do this job, without any complaints and with full devotion. It looks pretty easy but can be really taxing and tiring. No man can take on such a responsibility because they are not made that way by God. I guess he had special plans when it came to taking care of the family needs and every woman of my generation should take great pride in the things we do.”—-R

True, and hats off to all the ladies and my mother for having done so for so long.”—-M

Ok, you tell me. Men call it a give and take relationship. So, for what we do, don’t we deserve an evening out with the man in our lives, where we can get to enjoy buying new things, which by the way, most of the times are related to the needs of the family and the household. So it is not that we are always buying something for ourselves. We buy keeping in mind everything that might be required by the family. In a way, we are still on duty keeping every little thing in our mind at all times and ensuring that everyone remains happy in our house. After hearing all this, you tell me, whether it is too much a demand that our husbands always seem to crib about?”—-R

Well, I had no answer to the last question that she asked and I seemed a totally transformed person after the entire conversation. Indeed the woman of our lives does take care of all the things that we can possibly think of. In different roles whether it be of a daughter, or a wife or a mother, she tends to fulfill every little expectation that the society has from her. Doesn’t she deserve a better treatment from all the guys?shopping boy

Come on, guys! It is not much that is being asked of you. And I am sure that all of us are capable of doing much better in life :).

Source for Image: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/shopping/, http://www.thymegraphics.co.uk/products.asp?cat=37, http://www.vectorstock.com/royalty-free-vector/shopping-girl-and-boy-vector-499613

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How I met my Saalis!

When you are married, and when you happen to be the lucky one (as they say) to have the number of saalis (sister-in-laws) that I have, and on top of that when your wife happens to be a part of a well-knit family and happens to share an amazingly good relationship with each one of them, then you surely got to be on your toes ;).

If you are wondering that I have been hit by the wedding bug, then you are not that wrong, and what can be considered as a rational and natural progression from my last post, it is but natural for me to talk about who other than my saalis. 

This reminds me of the tv show by the name of How I met your mother! and would take the liberty of transforming it just a little bit to title my current post as How I met my Saalis!

It is said in our Indian tradition that the in-laws house for a groom would look all deserted and incomplete if there were no saalis to make the same house look so happening and filled with enthusiasm.

Just imagine, you enter your in-laws house and you find your father-in-law lying on his couch and watching the same old tv soaps with your mother-in-law making all efforts in this world to make you feel comfortable. How dull and boring would it get after a certain point of time and you would feel like running away from the same, not because you don’t respect your in-laws but just because after a while, it gets boring.

To their credit, saalis are the ones who tend to get rid of the boredom and keep the entire house vibrant. Many a times, they tend to belong to the same age group. What can be better than this as you tend to share the same kind of thinking and perceptions about various things in life.

And when they happen to be as talkative as mine are, then you don’t even have to go that extra mile to start any sort of conversation. Before you realize, you already tend to become a part of a conversation, about which you might not have any clue what so ever, yet you find yourself totally engulfed in the chit-chat that ensues thereafter, and surprisingly you enjoy it to the core.

Now coming back to how I happened to meet each one of them, if I remember correctly, the first time I had the fortune of meeting them all was on the day of my engagement. But there was one among them, whom I had met earlier, courtesy one of my visits to Delhi, who happened to introduce each of them to me.'My wife said it was up to me - I could come to her sister's wedding, or go to Vegas with you and the guys. Guess what I chose?'

Little shy, that they looked in first instance, my perception was turned 180 degree round, as I began to interact with them on a more regular basis. 🙂 I will admit that it feels absolutely wonderful when you are being imparted such importance and you feel like the most important person on this planet earth, that might be one of the primary reasons why guys love to visit their in-laws place (taking a clue from one of my chachas (uncles) who in my opinion is really fond of visiting his in-laws place).

It is said that though from times immemorial, it is the sons who have been given more importance, in reality it is the daughters who tend to be more caring, more loving and certainly more supportive of their parents than the sons (which can surely be seen in today’s materialistic and selfish world wherein the sons tend to forget their responsibility of taking care of their parents in their old age, when they need them the most).

It is absolutely wonderful to see all my saalis be so much more responsible and so much more understanding and caring for their parents, than any other typical 21st century guy would. And the credit for such upbringing certainly goes, first to their grandparents and secondly to their parents, who have toiled day-in-day-out just to make sure, that they all get the best from this world and they all are made to grow into responsible and caring individuals, that they certainly are, today.

And when you happen to have so many of them, then you are often asked this question of who’s your favorite? Somehow, you don’t want to be caught up in this dilemma or trilemma etc. depending on the number of saalis that you have, for you don’t want to end up being Arjun from Mahabharata, and you certainly don’t want to go through the same dharam-sankat as he once had to ;).

For my part, I would always want the best for each one of them and would like to wish them all the very best in all the endeavors that they undertake during the course of their lives, and would advise them to keep rocking as they always do ;).

Source for Image:  http://www.jantoo.com/cartoons/keywords/sister-in-law

The Arranged Marriage!

कहने वाले कहते हैं कि कहीं और शादी हो ना हो पर हमारे देश में शादी तो होनी ही होनी है. वैसे तो होनी को कौन टाल सकता है, मगर आज के समय में शादी कर पाना किसी प्रोजेक्ट से कम नहीं रह गया है. पूरी शिद्दत से इस प्रोजेक्ट को अंजाम तक पहुचने का हौसला होना केवल काफी नहीं रह गया है, इस कार्य को पूर्ण रूप से संपन्न करने के लिए वहां कहीं ऊपर बैठे हुए हमारे इश्वर के आशिर्वाद की भी अत्यंत ज़रुरत पड़ती है.

आज कल तो माता पिता भी कभी कभी अपने बेटे या बेटी से ये उम्मीद रखते हैं कि वे किसी अच्छे से लड़की या लड़के को पसंद करके उनके सामने प्रकट कर दे जिससे वो इस पूरे लड़के या लड़की को ढूँढने के परिक्ष्रम से बच जाये. और खुदा ना खास्ता अगर ऐसा नहीं हो पाता है तो सबसे पहली और सबसे महत्त्वपूर्ण चीज़ जिसपे वो अपना ध्यान केन्द्रित करते है, वो है कि लड़का लड़की एक दूसरे को पसंद आने चाहिए.Arranged-marriage-image

कल ही मैं अपनी नानी जी से बात कर रहा था. “बेटा हमारे समय में तो हमारे माता पिता ही लड़का पसंद करके आ जाते थे और हमें वही शादी के लिए अपनी रजामंदी देने के सिवा कोई और चारा नहीं होता था. फूटी किस्मत देखो मेरी, तुम्हारे नानाजी से शादी कर मैं कितना पछता रही हूँ ;). आज का ज़माना तो बदल गया है. तुम लोगों को तो पहले लड़की पसंद आनी चाहिए वरना तुम लोग तो ऐसे हो कि मंडप से ही भाग जाओगेवैसे मेरा मानना है कि समय के साथ साथ इंसान की सोच में भी परिवर्तन आना अत्यंत आवश्यक है, वरना हम जैसे नाना नानी और दादा दादी तुम्हारी पीढ़ी के लोगों को कैसे समझ पाएंगे 🙂 और ये दोनों पीढ़ियों के लिए अच्छा है. इसी से घर में शान्ति बरकरार रहती है और एक अत्यंत ही खुशियों से पूर्ण वातावरण घर में बना रहता है. ”

ये तो रही घर में खुशियाँ बरकरार रहने की बात. लेकिन खुशियाँ तो तब आएँगी जब पहले एक सुशील और अच्छी बहु घर में आएगी. ये बहु को चुनने की प्रक्रिया भी अजीब ही होती है. शुरू में दोनों परिवारों के बड़े एक दूसरे से मिलते हैं. अगर सब कुछ उन्हें ठीक लगता है, तभी लड़के को लड़की से मिलवाया जाता है. बहुत बार ऐसा होता है कि बात दोनों परिवारों के बड़ों तक ही सीमित रह जाती है.

लड़के और लड़की को मिल पाने का मौका भी नहीं मिल पाता है. और मान लो सब कुछ जान भूजने के बाद अगर लड़का लड़की इश्वर कि कृपा से मिलते भी हैं, तो भी उन्हें ये समझ नहीं आता कि वो एक दूसरे से ऐसी क्या बात करें कि उन्हें ये पता चल जाये कि वही उनके लिए सही जीवनसाथी है. ऐसे में बातें एक दूसरे की हौबीस तक ही सीमित रह जाती हैं. हाँ एक दूसरे को देख कर मन में शादी के लड्डू ज़रूर फूटते नज़र आ सकते हैं.

मिलने के पश्चात, दोनों परिवार अपने बच्चों के हाथ धोके पीछे पढ़ जाते हैं ये जानने के लिए कि उन्हें जीवनसाथी के रूप में मिलवाया गया इंसान कैसा लगा. अगर जवाब हाँ में होता है तब तो मानो दोनों परिवारों की समस्या का समाधान हो जाता है, लेकिन अगर जवाब ना में होता है तो फिर लड़की और लड़के दोनों को इस ना के पीछे छुपे राज़ का पर्दा फाश करने को कहा जाता है और एक बार फिर दोनों परिवार अपने बच्चों की ना को हाँ में बदलने के लिए एक बार फिर पूरे तन्न मन धन से उनके पीछे लग जाते हैं.

अगर मामला गंभीर होता नज़र आता है और बच्चों की सोच उनको सही लगती है, तो परिवार के बुजुर्ग अपने  बच्चों की बात मान लेते हैं और फिर से किसी और परिवार के साथ यही प्रक्रिया को शुरू करने में लग जाते हैं और तब तक लगे रहते हैं जब तक वो इस कार्य को पूरी निष्ठा से पूर्ण ना कर ले.

एक ओर जहाँ माता पिता अपने प्रयास को आगे बढ़ाते हैं, वहीँ दूसरी ओर लड़का थक हार कर अपने मन में बसे अपने जीवन साथी की तस्वीर को थोडा सा और सच्चाई के करीब लाने की कोशिश में लग जाता हैं. शुरू में तो सबको कैटरिना जैसी लड़की ही चाहिए होती है, धीरे धीरे उनको समझ में आ जाता है, की अगर उन्हें शादी करनी है तो शायद उन्हें किसी आम लड़की को ही अपनी पत्नी के रूप में स्वीकार करना होगा, क्योंकि वो भी कोई रणबीर तो है नहीं कि उन्हें कैटरिना मिल जाये.GOD

अन्तथा पूरी शिद्दत से करे हुए प्रयत्न हेतु ऐसा दिन आ ही जाता है जब लड़का लड़की के साथ साथ दोनों परिवारों का मिलन होता है. जहाँ एक तरफ दोनों परिवारों के सदस्य जीवन के इस पड़ाव की खुशियों में डूब जाते हैं, वहीँ दूसरी तरफ, वहीँ उपर बैठे हमारे इश्वर उनके इस हर्षो उल्लास को देखकर मन ही मन कह रहे होते हैं, “बेटा अभी तो ज़िन्दगी शुरू हुई है, आगे आगे देखिये होता है क्या” 😉

Source for Image: http://whimsical-saga.blogspot.in/2011/12/indian-penchant-for-arranged-marriages.html, http://wasdarwinwrong.com/kortho24.htm

Being a Parent to your Child!

It seems like ages have gone by and here I am once again returning back to something that I so love doing. It is not that I didn’t have ideas to deliberate upon or think upon. Neither was it a lack of love towards what I generally call my hobby, though for some it might be a matter of bread and butter.

It might sound a cliche that for the past couple of days had just flown by without me realizing that it had been a while before I have had the opportunity to log on to my blog and look at what’s going on in the same. How often have you guys have had the same kind of experience of time just running away and you trying to catch up with the speed with which it seems to outrun you on every occasion?

It is very much like a cat and mouse game, similar to what we have seen in Tom and Jerry, where we know what’s going to be the outcome of the chase, yet we end up indulging in the same, for the want of the very activity that seems to propel us forward every time we think about the same.priority4

Somehow, I have realized that it is nearly impossible to do everything in the world that you might want to do or accomplish in life. Thinking about the to-do list that you might have prepared for yourself might give you jitters and might even end up giving you high BP and lot of stress.

I guess that’s why the entire concept of priority came into being. By putting all the content that you might have gathered in your to-do list and re-organizing it into a priority list might help you become more focus at the same time, make sure that you put all your efforts and energy into that one particular aim that you happen to find at the top of your priority list, rather than wondering about how you will be able to accomplish the rest of the things mentioned in your to-do list.

And by slowly moving towards the other items taking each one at a time, having successfully accomplished the first, not only gives you more confidence and motivation but also helps you overcome the stress associated with the thought process which always leaves that 1% chance of what if I am unable to accomplish what I had initially set for?

Isn’t it always good to be working without too much pressure on your shoulders? Which brings us to a point where parents in today’s world are expecting a lot of things from their kids. I often see kids with big bags on their shoulders going to tuition and coaching right after their school and ending up getting exhausted, just because their parents want them to outperform their best friend’s son or daughter, giving very little importance to what the kid might be interested in doing.hitting child

I know it is easier said than done and every parent wants their kid to reach the top of the ladder, but the thing that needs to be deliberated upon and argued is whether the parents are adopting the right approach when they end up forcing their child to do something which he or she might be totally averse to.

The other day, parents of a 16 year old, happened to visit, thinking that I might be able to help them with their so called self-perceived problem that their child happened to be facing.

After the initial introduction, the parents started talking about what all their child was doing wrong and the bad habits that their child had developed over time.

You see, he doesn’t listen to us. He is always into video games. I don’t know what to do with him. He has lost all his focus. He doesn’t even understand how his future is shaping up. If he continues to do so, how will he able to get through IITs.”—–Parents 

After having spoken for another 10-15 minutes, they finally took a deep breath, waiting for me to give them the magic wand that they believed would change their child’s future.

I am glad that you are concerned about your child. Very few parents, in today’s busy World are concerned about their kids. Many a times, they are found busy enjoying with their respective colleagues and friends. But Mr. X, have you ever spoken to your child about what you think would be good for him? Have you ever tried to understand what all things he might be going through in his school or coaching? 

Have you ever talked to your son about what he might want to do with his life? Mr. X, these are things that we as parents tend to forget about. Remember the days, when you yourself was a kid and how you would do things that your parents wouldn’t approve off, at times even indulging in things like smoking or drinking. Now, since you have become parents, you have stopped thinking like what it is like to be a child.

I am sure, Mr. X, that you want the best for your child, but then have you ever thought about his ambitions and his aim in life, what he might want to become or what aspirations he might have for himself. Mr. X, I have seen kids go into depression and indulge in unwanted activities like doing drugs etc, just because they are not able to convince their own parents that they are different from other children and need their own space and time to develop and grow into productive individuals in society, just because they don’t trust their parents to understand what they have to offer to them. 

More often than not, it is we parents who end up on the wrong side of the table not being able to understand and give support to our son’s or daughter’s wishes and ambitions. I am not saying that they are right in whatever they might be thinking, but then isn’t it better to discuss with them why some things are good and why some are not. That’s where, you as a parent, have to chip in with your advice and opinions that you have gathered over a huge span of time and the kind of experience that you have gained over your lifetime. After all your hair have not grown grey just like that :). 

Mr. X, isn’t it better to develop that faith and trust in your child towards you that no matter what happens to him, you will always be there to provide him with that unconditional support that he so deserves for being your child. Think of the times, when you craved for a son, and when he is there with you, you are not appreciating to the fullest the fact that you have been bestowed with a gift that you had so craved for. 

Mr. X, be gentle with him. Discuss his problems like a friend without being too judgmental about his opinions and views, even though they might be wrong. Listen to what he has to say to you, and if you think that there is something wrong in his thought process, then try to tell him things that you think are right at the same time giving reasons and concrete examples on why you think it as the right opinion or point of view in an extremely polite and gentle manner. 

I am sure, Mr. X, that this will go a long way in you developing a rapport with him, just like you have always wished for and your efforts will certainly pay off sometime in the near future.parent-child-relationship

We chatted for some more time, after which, the parents took my leave. Though I had spoken my heart out and had tried convincing them of the virtues of being an understanding parent, I wonder when that time would come when all the parents in this world would begin to accept their child in the manner he or she is, without making any comparison with the kid-next-door, without worrying about whether the kid will be successful in keeping the family’s flag flying high, without expecting too much from him or her and loving him or her unconditionally for what he or she is.

Source for Image: http://www.scfamilylaw.com/2013/07/11/study-examines-the-effects-of-divorce-on-childrens-relationships-later-in-life/http://menz.org.nz/menz-issues/june-1998/http://blog.patsnap.com/?p=468

Thank you माँ !

कहते हैं कि एक माँ ही अपने बच्चे को खुद से ज्यादा प्यार कर पाती है और दुनिया में ऐसा कोई और रिश्ता नहीं जो ऐसा प्यार कर सके भले ही वो एक प्रेमी का अपनी प्रेमिका के लिए हो या फिर एक पिता का अपने बच्चों के लिए.

जब हम छोटे होते हैं तो माँ ही हमारे पीछे भाग भाग कर हमें खाना खिलाती है. हमारी सारी उलटी सीधी फर्मायेशों को पूरा करने का हर प्रयास करती है. हमें चोट लगती है तो सबसे ज्यादा दर्द माँ को ही होता है. हमारी तबियत खराब होती है तो माँ ही रात रात भर जाग कर हमारे पास बैठी रहती है.

माँ ही बिना कुछ कहे हमारे मन की सारी बातें एक पल में समझ जाती है. पूरी निष्ठां और पूरे समर्पण से माँ हमारे लिए वो सब कर जाती है जो एक आम मनुष्य करने की सोच भी नहीं सकता और अगर सोच भी ले तो उसको पूरा नहीं कर सकता.

बहुत से मनोवैज्ञानिक कहते हैं कि ये सब करना हमारे समाज में सम्मान पाने का माओं के लिए एक साधन है. अगर वो ऐसा ना करें तो उन्हें इस समाज में प्रतिष्ठा और इज्जत नहीं मिलेगी जितना उन्हें ये सब कर के मिलती है.

पहले तो मैं ऐसे तर्क से इत्तेफाक नहीं रखता और एक पल को मान भी लें कि ये मनोवैज्ञानिक सच कह रहे हैं तो भी ऐसा कर पाना इतना कठिन है कि इसके पीछे कोई भी कारण हो वो सम्मानजनक और पूजनीय ही हो सकता है.

इसलिए जब भी हमारे मन में अपनी माँ के प्रति ऐसा कोई भाव आये या हमें ऐसा लगे कि हम आत्मनिर्भर हैं तो हमें यही सोच लेना चाहिए कि आज जो कुछ भी हम हैं वो सिर्फ और सिर्फ अपनी माँ की वजह से ही हैं.

कहते हैं जो वास्तु हमें बहुत आसानी से प्राप्त हो जाती है उसकी हमें क़द्र नहीं होती. माँ हमारे जीवन में एक ऐसी महत्त्वपूर्ण इंसान हैं, जिनके बिना हमारा कुछ कर पाना तो दूर की बात, अगर वो नहीं होती तो हम सांस भी नहीं ले पा रहे होते.

हाँ ये बात अलग है कि एक माँ कभी भी अपने बच्चों पे एहसान या हक़ नहीं जमाती ये कह के कि मैंने तुम्हारे लिए कितना किया. इसीलिए शायद कभी कभी हमारे अंदर का इंसान अपनी इंसानियत भूल जाता है.

और हम उसी माँ के बुढ़ापे का सहारा बन्ने के बजाये उसे ऐसे मौके पे अकेला छोड़ के अपने निजी सपनो को पूरा करने में लग जाते हैं. हम ये भूल जाते हैं कि हमारे उन्ही सपनो का निर्माण हमारी माँ ने ही किया था. और अगर वो ऐसा नहीं करती तो न हम होते और न हमारे ये सपने.

मुझे नहीं पता कि भगवान् हैं या नहीं. मुझे नहीं पता कि हम इस ज़िन्दगी को जीने के पश्चात किस रूप में कहाँ और क्या कर रहे होंगे. मुझे नहीं पता कि हम फिर से मनुष्य योनी में जन्म लेंगे या नहीं. मुझे नहीं पता कि इस संसार में आने का क्या लक्ष्य है.mother-child

पर मुझे ये ज़रूर पता है कि हमें अपने माता पिता का पूरी श्रधा और पूरे सम्मान और आदर के साथ ख्याल रखना चाहिए, केवल इसलिए नहीं कि उन्होंने हमारे लिए ये सब किया पर इसलिए भी क्योंकि उन्ही से हमारा अस्तित्व है और उन्ही से हमारी सफलता या असफलता.

After reading what I have just written some would be compelled to believe that today is the mother’s day. But even if it is not, I believe there is not a single day that goes by when you
cannot but thank your mother for whatever she has done for you and continues to do so without any expectation what so ever.

Such great and high is her stature that nothing else in the World can match up to the dedication and sincerity that a mother has for her kid. Even a father cannot replicate the same kind of love and affection that a mother has for her child.

That’s why it is said, एक माँ का स्थान इश्वर से भी ऊचा होता है. Today, through thishumble post of mine, I want to give a tribute to all the mothers out there who toil in selflessly day-in-day-out just to make sure that their kids and family get all the happiness in this
World.

Source for Image: http://acelebrationofwomen.org/2013/05/on-mothers-day-its-you-and-me-against-the-world-may-12/

Society vis-a-vis Children!

The other day, I received a call from a very dear friend who gave me the most exciting and in all senses the breaking news of his life, “Dude, I got married.

Wow! Congrats yaar!” came back the reply from my end.

Yup, Thanks. But there is a problem. We have not informed her parents.” After a long long time, I was getting to hear this. On one hand where it sounded like a script from a Bollywood movie, on the other hand there was an apprehension as to what’s going to happen in the near future? How the girl’s parents would react to the feat that their child had accomplished? Would they give their approval or would they boycott their daughter from their family?society

The problem was compounded, thanks to the nature of the marriage that had ensued. The guy belongs to a North Indian family, which is not so rigid when it comes to marrying a girl from a different caste or culture. On the other hand, the girl belongs to a family which is a hard core South Indian Pundit family, who cannot but imagine marrying their daughter in another caste, leave alone marrying her to a North Indian.

The thought of how the girl’s parents would react is making the couple very nervous. Though they had the courage to take this very significant step in their lives, this thought is driving them nuts. The girl fears the worst and is expecting her to be thrown out of her family. The guy, on his part, though he feels happy, is concerned about his girl who is all set to go through what can surely be called an emotional turmoil in more ways than one.

Though we proudly cite living in the 21st century India, there are certain elements in our country and our culture (which is too varied to be classified as one), which makes me wonder whether we have been successful in evolving from that conservative mentality, which personally for me, represent the core when it comes to differentiating between modern and not so modern.

Somehow, in all this hooplah attached to the caste and culture, the 21st century kids and youngsters are caught confused, not knowing which way to tread. On one hand where they witness the intermixing of various dfferent cultures, thanks to the increased movement of people and increased globalization; on the other hand, they are expected to stick to their hard core values being imposed on them by their very own parents and grandparents who want them to keep their family and clan flag flying high.

For a girl, who wishes to see everyone happy around her, it becomes what can be termed as mission impossible. Atleast in this case, if she choses to go along with the love of her life, which she has, she is bound to lose upon the love and affection she received throughout her life from her parents (acting too rigid to understand what their child wants, just because of societal and family pressure) and if she would have decided to leave her boyfriend (at one time and now her husband), she would have to repent throughout her life for having done so (which thankfully has not been the case here).

At the end of it all, if we take a very pragmatic point of view, it is the couple who will be spending their lives together for most part of their life, if we ignore the few interactions that they are bound to be having with their family during those events and celebrations where each and every member of the extended family happens to gather at one place at the same point of time.

But on an emotional level, the couple would certainly want, at least the immediate family to be blessing the couple and welcoming them with open arms. After all, this is what will make them really happy.parent

For the parents who tend to involve their egos and self-respect with their child’s wishes, it is my earnest request to think beyond what the society tells them to think. For them, the point that they need to consider is whether they would want to place their children above in the priority list, over and above the society and the extended family members.

Source for Image: http://www.tcd.ie/research/themes/inclusive-society/, http://www.churstongrammar.com/parents/

Parents Dilemma!

Every parent wishes the best for his/her child. They want to make sure that their child gets all the things in the World that they desire and wish for. And in turn, try to offer the best they can to their child.

So far so good, but the problem arises when the parent thinks that they know what’s best for their child, because the child might have his own opinions and take on things which can be totally different from what the parent thinks on the same.

When such a situation arises, then the sole aim of making their child happy seems to get lost somewhere in between the arguments that tend to occur amongst the parents and the child.

As a result, the child thinks that the parents are not being very understanding, at the same time don’t care about what they think and want from life. The parents on their part tend to think that their child has gone astray and is not listening to and abiding by the experience that they want to trickle down on to their child from which they believe the child would surely benefit.

The problem takes the form of a frankenstein monster if the two continue to quarrel over what might seem to be a petty matter to a third person. Coupled with the lack of open communication and rigidity on the part of the two parties to the quarrelsome situation, what ensues in the family is stress and tension.parent child

The child might want to run away from such a situation and if he or she is immature enough, he/she might tend to take a step which might prove to be disastrous to him/her as well as to the entire family. In extreme cases, it might result in the child attempting a suicide or even succeeding in such an attempt.

That’s where the parents’ handling of the matter becomes extremely important. The parents, being more mature and supposedly more intelligent, should try to take control of the situation at the same time, should let their child explore the situation in a protective environment that they are very much capable enough of providing.

What this will ensure is that the child will get an opportunity to learn from his/her mistakes at the same time trusting the fact that they have a strong support system in the form of his/her parents who will be there at all times for him/her, no matter what happens.

This tends to give the child immense confidence, at the same time instilling in the child a sense of responsibility, which in turn enables the child to take rational and logical decisions for themselves.

Thus, the parents’ primary role, according to me, is to make the child realize that he/she is very much a mature person capable of making rational decisions in his/her life which is not only good for himself/herself but also good for his/her family.

If the parents are able to do just that, then their dilemma of letting their child take his/her own decisions and taking full control of their life will be resolved and it will in turn lead to a pleasant environment in the family.

Source for Image: http://fknizner.umwblogs.org

Saas ki khidmat ;)

What I saw today is what I can call an emerging trend which is increasingly being adopted by the to be intelligent bahus of our Indian society.

They have realized that more than wooing the guy, it is more important to woo the mother-in-law in order to ensure that peace and tranquility is maintained in the household.

And I witnessed one such demonstration of love towards the to be mother-in-law by one of my friends whom we all know by the name deo.

As if she was all prepared and was all set to completely sweep her to-be-mother-in-law of her feet. And trust me! She did extremely well in her endeavour and if there had been some sindoor in her hand, I am sure the mother-in-law would have filled that herself in her to be daughter-in-law’s maang.desktop15

After a stint with the mother-in-law, the prince charming for whom deo had waited for so long arrived in his nano and the blushing on her face was very much visible to each and everyone who was present on the occassion where the prince charming was supposed to take his to-be on a nano drive.

As if the couple was all set to sneek out of the gathering and guess what the couple didn’t waste any time what so ever and were no where to be found in just a couple of minutes after the arrival of prince charming.

It took them around an hour before they could be seen in the gathering once again. And much like an ideal daughter-in-law, she again stuck to her task of wooing her to-be-mother-in-law.

All in all, a very much thought out strategy adopted  by a very intelligent bahu concerning the lady of her life, who is all set to play the most important role in her new life, which will start immediately after she ties the knot.

Source for Image: http://soniacism.wordpress.com/2011/03/23/todays-recipe-bahu-fried-in-hot-saas/

Meri Ma!

This very morning, I came across an article on fb as I was browsing through, which really brought out the emotions in me, the emotions which form such an essential part of the human persona.

The article was about this lady, who hid her child beneath her body, when the earthquake demolished her house and in the process succumbed to her injuries. When the child was taken out of the debris, the child was sound asleep and had a mobile placed next to her and it said: If you are alive, then always remember that I love you.

As I am writing these words, it has brought back the picture that I saw while reading the article in the morning. This kind of love, for me, goes beyond the very concept of love and care that a mother can have towards her child. If this is not divine then what is it and this form of love is extremely pure.

How many of us take our mothers for granted. While she keeps pouring all the love on us and the little we can do on our part is to keep her happy, not just because she does so much for us but also in order to respect the very selfless and devoted love that she happens to pour on us over and over again without really getting tired.mother-and-child

This form of love is really inexplicable and a very rare and a precious thing. I was once told by my grandmother that only a woman and especially a mom can understand what goes inside a woman when she thinks about her son or daughter and this feeling cannot be emulated by any other person but the mother herself.

I can keep writing about how wonderful a relationship a mother has with her child. But don’t you think that some things are beyond any sort of explanation or writing and it would be truly bemeaning to write more about this wonderful relationship.

There is only one advice that I would like to give and one line that I would like to add, though: all the kids out there, cherish and savour this wonder relationship that you have with your mom, for there will be no other person in the world who will love you for what you are.

Source for Image: http://ashishdadgaa.blogspot.in/2012/08/mothermy-first-love.html

 

The Jugaadu’s Shaadi!

Every day is a new day. Every day is a new beginning. Every day brings along a new perspective. Every day, a new experience tends to hit you head on.

Have you ever appreciated the fact that each day in our life is a thing to really look forward to. Not many of us would have thought about it and for those who have, they might have just allowed this thought to cross their minds without leaving any kind of significant trace on the lanes of memory.

But one thing that always seem to leave a trace on our memories is the time that we spend with our near and dear ones, the time that we always tend to reminisce about, the time we would so wish to come back to us.

And one such occassion occured very recently in my life, the essence of which has been brought out by none other than saty:

wahi shaam ki mohakta, wahi raahon ka ishaara,                                                             wahi ek manjil humari, wo shaant nehar ka kinara,                                                                kinare per goonjati bas hum doston ki aawajein,                                                              kuch khusion kuch gamon se bhari humari baatein,                                                           wo haseen pal banke anmol aaj fir mahak uthe,                                                                  wo panchi bichde mile to aaj fir chahak uthe

Indeed, it was a night to remember, not because we did something extraordinary and out of the blue thing, but sheerly because of revisiting the connect that we all so wish to feel again and again and which seems to grow in leaps and bounds with every such opportunity.

Usually, there is isn’t any topic in particular, that we tend to focus on, but yesterday courtesy another very dear friend whom we all call jugaadu (because of the talent that only he possesses), we all ended up discussing jugaadu ki shaadi.
I wonder if the older generation did the same as we somehow end up doing every now and then, not many would have got married. It is amazing to see how things evolve over time and how the thought process tends to change with every generation assimilating and accomodating the newly evolved opinions and ideas.
It is true that deciding upon whom you would want to spend your entire life with, can indeed be a mindblogging decision, considering the inherent subjectivity involved in the whole process and also because the criteria of an ideal partner has changed over time.
Presumably, that was the reason why our ancestors left it as a matter of fate over which no one seems to have control over and which has already been decided by someone up there.
Whatever might be the sweet will of the Almighty, one thing that goes a long way in keeping up a healthy relationship with your better half and if I take the liberty of representing that one thing in the form of an equation, then it would go somewhat like this:
Healthy relationship = committment * compromise
The above is not a guarantee or a turn key solution to all woes encountered, but surely it can and will lead to maintaining a better relationship in times to come.
Marriages are indeed made in Heaven. The thing that needs to be done here on Planet Earth is to savour it the way it is supposed to be at the same nurture the very foundations of a healthy relationship.
Somehow all the jugaad tends to fail and only genuine efforts result in bonhomie and a successful relationship. I hope someone is listening ;).
Source of Image: http://engineersunit.blogspot.in/2011/06/love-and-arranged-marriages.html