Parents Dilemma!

Every parent wishes the best for his/her child. They want to make sure that their child gets all the things in the World that they desire and wish for. And in turn, try to offer the best they can to their child.

So far so good, but the problem arises when the parent thinks that they know what’s best for their child, because the child might have his own opinions and take on things which can be totally different from what the parent thinks on the same.

When such a situation arises, then the sole aim of making their child happy seems to get lost somewhere in between the arguments that tend to occur amongst the parents and the child.

As a result, the child thinks that the parents are not being very understanding, at the same time don’t care about what they think and want from life. The parents on their part tend to think that their child has gone astray and is not listening to and abiding by the experience that they want to trickle down on to their child from which they believe the child would surely benefit.

The problem takes the form of a frankenstein monster if the two continue to quarrel over what might seem to be a petty matter to a third person. Coupled with the lack of open communication and rigidity on the part of the two parties to the quarrelsome situation, what ensues in the family is stress and tension.parent child

The child might want to run away from such a situation and if he or she is immature enough, he/she might tend to take a step which might prove to be disastrous to him/her as well as to the entire family. In extreme cases, it might result in the child attempting a suicide or even succeeding in such an attempt.

That’s where the parents’ handling of the matter becomes extremely important. The parents, being more mature and supposedly more intelligent, should try to take control of the situation at the same time, should let their child explore the situation in a protective environment that they are very much capable enough of providing.

What this will ensure is that the child will get an opportunity to learn from his/her mistakes at the same time trusting the fact that they have a strong support system in the form of his/her parents who will be there at all times for him/her, no matter what happens.

This tends to give the child immense confidence, at the same time instilling in the child a sense of responsibility, which in turn enables the child to take rational and logical decisions for themselves.

Thus, the parents’ primary role, according to me, is to make the child realize that he/she is very much a mature person capable of making rational decisions in his/her life which is not only good for himself/herself but also good for his/her family.

If the parents are able to do just that, then their dilemma of letting their child take his/her own decisions and taking full control of their life will be resolved and it will in turn lead to a pleasant environment in the family.

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Saas ki khidmat ;)

What I saw today is what I can call an emerging trend which is increasingly being adopted by the to be intelligent bahus of our Indian society.

They have realized that more than wooing the guy, it is more important to woo the mother-in-law in order to ensure that peace and tranquility is maintained in the household.

And I witnessed one such demonstration of love towards the to be mother-in-law by one of my friends whom we all know by the name deo.

As if she was all prepared and was all set to completely sweep her to-be-mother-in-law of her feet. And trust me! She did extremely well in her endeavour and if there had been some sindoor in her hand, I am sure the mother-in-law would have filled that herself in her to be daughter-in-law’s maang.desktop15

After a stint with the mother-in-law, the prince charming for whom deo had waited for so long arrived in his nano and the blushing on her face was very much visible to each and everyone who was present on the occassion where the prince charming was supposed to take his to-be on a nano drive.

As if the couple was all set to sneek out of the gathering and guess what the couple didn’t waste any time what so ever and were no where to be found in just a couple of minutes after the arrival of prince charming.

It took them around an hour before they could be seen in the gathering once again. And much like an ideal daughter-in-law, she again stuck to her task of wooing her to-be-mother-in-law.

All in all, a very much thought out strategy adopted  by a very intelligent bahu concerning the lady of her life, who is all set to play the most important role in her new life, which will start immediately after she ties the knot.

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Meri Ma!

This very morning, I came across an article on fb as I was browsing through, which really brought out the emotions in me, the emotions which form such an essential part of the human persona.

The article was about this lady, who hid her child beneath her body, when the earthquake demolished her house and in the process succumbed to her injuries. When the child was taken out of the debris, the child was sound asleep and had a mobile placed next to her and it said: If you are alive, then always remember that I love you.

As I am writing these words, it has brought back the picture that I saw while reading the article in the morning. This kind of love, for me, goes beyond the very concept of love and care that a mother can have towards her child. If this is not divine then what is it and this form of love is extremely pure.

How many of us take our mothers for granted. While she keeps pouring all the love on us and the little we can do on our part is to keep her happy, not just because she does so much for us but also in order to respect the very selfless and devoted love that she happens to pour on us over and over again without really getting tired.mother-and-child

This form of love is really inexplicable and a very rare and a precious thing. I was once told by my grandmother that only a woman and especially a mom can understand what goes inside a woman when she thinks about her son or daughter and this feeling cannot be emulated by any other person but the mother herself.

I can keep writing about how wonderful a relationship a mother has with her child. But don’t you think that some things are beyond any sort of explanation or writing and it would be truly bemeaning to write more about this wonderful relationship.

There is only one advice that I would like to give and one line that I would like to add, though: all the kids out there, cherish and savour this wonder relationship that you have with your mom, for there will be no other person in the world who will love you for what you are.

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The Jugaadu’s Shaadi!

Every day is a new day. Every day is a new beginning. Every day brings along a new perspective. Every day, a new experience tends to hit you head on.

Have you ever appreciated the fact that each day in our life is a thing to really look forward to. Not many of us would have thought about it and for those who have, they might have just allowed this thought to cross their minds without leaving any kind of significant trace on the lanes of memory.

But one thing that always seem to leave a trace on our memories is the time that we spend with our near and dear ones, the time that we always tend to reminisce about, the time we would so wish to come back to us.

And one such occassion occured very recently in my life, the essence of which has been brought out by none other than saty:

wahi shaam ki mohakta, wahi raahon ka ishaara,                                                             wahi ek manjil humari, wo shaant nehar ka kinara,                                                                kinare per goonjati bas hum doston ki aawajein,                                                              kuch khusion kuch gamon se bhari humari baatein,                                                           wo haseen pal banke anmol aaj fir mahak uthe,                                                                  wo panchi bichde mile to aaj fir chahak uthe

Indeed, it was a night to remember, not because we did something extraordinary and out of the blue thing, but sheerly because of revisiting the connect that we all so wish to feel again and again and which seems to grow in leaps and bounds with every such opportunity.

Usually, there is isn’t any topic in particular, that we tend to focus on, but yesterday courtesy another very dear friend whom we all call jugaadu (because of the talent that only he possesses), we all ended up discussing jugaadu ki shaadi.
I wonder if the older generation did the same as we somehow end up doing every now and then, not many would have got married. It is amazing to see how things evolve over time and how the thought process tends to change with every generation assimilating and accomodating the newly evolved opinions and ideas.
It is true that deciding upon whom you would want to spend your entire life with, can indeed be a mindblogging decision, considering the inherent subjectivity involved in the whole process and also because the criteria of an ideal partner has changed over time.
Presumably, that was the reason why our ancestors left it as a matter of fate over which no one seems to have control over and which has already been decided by someone up there.
Whatever might be the sweet will of the Almighty, one thing that goes a long way in keeping up a healthy relationship with your better half and if I take the liberty of representing that one thing in the form of an equation, then it would go somewhat like this:
Healthy relationship = committment * compromise
The above is not a guarantee or a turn key solution to all woes encountered, but surely it can and will lead to maintaining a better relationship in times to come.
Marriages are indeed made in Heaven. The thing that needs to be done here on Planet Earth is to savour it the way it is supposed to be at the same nurture the very foundations of a healthy relationship.
Somehow all the jugaad tends to fail and only genuine efforts result in bonhomie and a successful relationship. I hope someone is listening ;).
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This time it’s not Life!

For the past couple of days, my to be better half has been complaining about me not being able to give her much time. On top of that, whenever I decide to crib something here, she says, that it’s on topics such as life and not wife, which if I were to write on, would in all probabilities make her happy ;).

Though, even the Gods wouldn’t dare to tread this path, today is a day where I take the liberty, of course at my own risk, to throw myself in this short but extremely significant journey, where I would try to discover the very significance of the word wife :D.

A man’s interaction with a woman starts the very moment he announces himself on the floor which we call World. Though, the woman in his life is not a wife, but this very interaction with his mother, is instrumental in framing his conception of a wife.

As a natural progression of cognitive development, he slowly but surely realizes what a wife can and would certainly do to him, or to put it differently, how a wife would be able to make that quintessential difference that he had been waiting/or not waiting for so long ;).

As Shahrukh Khan has famously said in one of his dialogues from his movie kuch kuch hota hai, a man indeed tends to bow down in front of the three most important women in his life, namely: devi ma, ma and biwi.

On getting married, a mumma’s boy is expected to become a biwi’s guy, if I can call it so :). He is supposed to cater to each and every need of his wife, and the onus of deciding whether the so called created need is indeed legitimate and logical, lies on none other than the person whose need is supposed to be catered to.

So far, it seems I have been talking about just one aspect of the word wife, and that too in not a very positive manner. But folks, I must tell you that there is another side to this story which truly deserves a lot of praise and respect.

A wife in all senses of the word is truly a homemaker. For if she was not there, a house would ever remain a house. She is the one who tries hard day-in-day-out to turn a house into a home.

She is the one who not only takes care of the husband, but also the entire family of her husband. And mind you, it’s not easy to come into a household, which is totally new to your expectations and give in your 100%.

Even after all the difficulties and cultural shocks, she makes sure that her husband is happy. Sometimes I wonder how can wives be so dedicated and selfless?

On second thoughts, instead of wondering how she is able to do so, I guess, I would be better off in bowing myself as Mr. Shahrukh Khan has apltly portrayed in his blockbuster, in front of the woman, who is truly, amongst the three very important ladies in the life of any mortal who happens to visit this planet Earth :).

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Can I help you?

In most well to do to families in India and even in developed countries, there is a person who gets up every morning around 5. He/she makes sure that everything is arranged for you on time, as soon as you get up.

There are actually two who fit in the description given above, but I would like to focus on only one today. I am talking about none other than our maid-servants who, in all senses of the word, a hard-working lot.

Let us have a look at what their daily schedule might look like:

5 a.m—>Get up

By 6 a.m. —>complete all the household chores such as washing yesternight’s utensils etc.

7 a.m.—> Serve bed tea to the members in the household

By 8 a.m.—>breakfast should be served on the table

It is only around 9 a.m. in the morning, that he/she gets to eat after everyone finishes their breakfast.

10 a.m.–>back to work “jhadu, pocha etc. etc.”

11:30 a.m.—>preparation for the day’s lunch

12:30 p.m.—>going to the market to buy things which might be needed tonight or the next day

1 p.m.—>cooking lunch

It is only around 2 p.m. that he/she is served lunch after everyone’s done with it.

3 p.m. to 5p.m.—>rest or does any other household chore which might hit his/her memsahab’s evolved mind

5 p.m. to 7 p.m.—>preparation for dinner along with serving the evening tea/meal

It is only around 9 or 10 at night that he/she takes a break from the work, with the thought of next day’s work staring right in his/her face.

Can you ever imagine living such a life? I don’t think so and would wish that none has to go through the same, especially considering the kind of treatment that one is met with and the kind of meagre remuneration that one gets for doing all the above.

On top of that, when UN (United Nations) tries to come up with a resolution aimed at improving the plight of domestic workers the World over, it is really unfortunate to see developed countries like UK opposing the same along with Saudia Arabia joining hands (though it can be expected from her, sheerly because of the immense number of labourers that are imported to do their household work and the infamous nature of the country for handling her labour laws).

But what surprises me the most is as to what’s stopping a democratic country like ours to come up with a national regulatory framework for the same. Why our country seems to be lacking the political and administrative will at all times? Why is it that no one seems to bother about this neglected section in our society?

Is it because the people who might be involved in framing the laws, might themselves be found guilty of propagating the malpractices? In all probabilities, yes!

Seeing the scenario in our country, there is an urgent need for a law aimed at ameliorating the conditions of this neglected section of our population.

But the question that seems to haunt my mind more often than not is: “Is someone listening?”

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The Last Phase

TV serials can sometimes be quite inspirational when it comes to writing. Yesterday, I was watching one such serial, courtesy my dear mom 🙂 , in which the kids don’t really appreciate taking the responsibility of their parents and want to part ways from them by hook or crook.

This made me wonder as to what is the kind of thought process that a person has at such an age. What is it that he or she might desire during this last phase of his/her life? What is it that can keep them happy during the twilight days of their life? What emotional trauma they go through when their own children treat them as a burden and don’t want to take care of their own parents?

How often do we find cases where children become so selfish that they find it convenient ignoring the same people who gave their lives just to see their kids happy and becoming successful.

How is it that people can ignore what their parents have done for them? How can they ignore the sleepless nights that their parents have had when they had fallen sick? How can they ignore the compromises that their parents made in order to fulfill a wish that they might have expressed?

It leaves me in utter disgust when I see people such as the above. More than being disgust, I am amazed as to how a person can so easily forget the wonderful times they have spent in the protective and cosy environment provided by their parents.

Amongst the parents who are deserted by their children, some are able to take care of themselves based on the wealth they have accumulated during their professional life. But there are some who have not been successful enough to have the means to sustain themselves during their old age.

The latter end up being in old age homes provided by our government and a few NGOs, some of which are in a pathetic state due to lack of funds in some cases and more due to the utter negligence on part of the authorities.

This brings us to a point where we can put three fold questions:

1st to the children: “How can you ignore the love and affection that was showered on to you during your growing up years?”

2nd to our government: “How can you ignore the various contributions made by the same people when they were young and who contributed towards country’s GDP?”

3rd to our society: “Is this the kind of social set up that one wishes to see and maintain for thegenerations to come and is this the kind of norms and values that one wishes to pass on to the next generation?”

The questions such as the above still remain unanswered. What matters most though is that people should realize that they need to: hold the hands of the people in their last phase of life who held their hands when they could barely walk.

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Saty Saty Yes Papa!

This can be the story of a guy living next door, a guy whom you keep meeting every now and then, a guy whom you wouldn’t notice in a crowd and a guy who gets up every morning thinking what he should do next.

There are so many such guys in India who don’t really know what they want to do in life. They aren’t sure as to what would be their next destination.

But one thing which is common amongst all such guys, thanks to the culture that we live in, is that they love their families a lot and respect each and every member of their family like no one else would.

They want to see each and every member of their family being happy. They want the best of things to happen to them. They take great pleasure and pride in seeing them getting successful in life.

Then why is it that these very guys are ridiculed at every step that they take by their very own family members? Why is it that the family members, instead of reciprocating the love, end up making the person sad and upset through their remarks? Why is it that they don’t get the same kind of respect as any other member would?

Is it because these guys have not been able to accomplish material success in life? Is it because they are not able to buy expensive gifts for their family? Is it because the very meaning of love and respect has been modified in our society to suit the powerful and the rich?

Whatever might be the reason for the above, one thing that our society must remember is that if we continue living the way we are by focusing on the materialistic pleasures in life, then the day is not so far when you wouldn’t find a breed so pure as above and a heart so loveable as above.

What we need to do thus is to preserve such breed and give it all due respect that it so deserves.

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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me about the importance of maintaining a balance between studies and sports/extracurricular activities. He used to stress on the fact that maintaining a balance was extremely essential for an all round development of an individual.

As a result, even though my mother’s top concern for me was to perform well in studies, she too had to bow down in front of my father’s wisdom. This in turn proved to be a boon for me as it gave me an opportunity to hone my skills in sports as well as in other co-curricular activites.

Why I have mentioned the above is because I am deeply concerned about the state of parenting which has taken a drastic turn in the present day scenario. Parents, today, are more focused on getting their kids selected in premier institutes like IITs at any cost.

In order to fulfill their pown ambitions, the kids are forced to join coaching institutes from class 6 itself. As a consequence, the kids after attending a day’s school end up going to a coaching institute thereafter.

By the time they come back, they are too tired to go for an outdoor activity. After a couple of hours rest, they are made to go through the task of finishing the rigorous home work that is given to them by both the school and the coaching institute.

The little time that is left is spent in playing videogames or watching TV, as it becomes too dark by then to let their child go out of their house.

If the above schedule was not enough, the child has to go through the stress evolving from the comparisons that are drawn between the child and his/her classmates or kids of acquaintances.

What would you call the above? If I had been through the same, I would have felt really constrained and irritated, at the same time would have felt helpless for not being able to find a way out of the whole pressure cooker scenario.

That is how the child of today’s generation feels like. The question that I would like to address to the parents is:

Do they think that by providing an environment such as the above, they are fulfilling their responsibility of being a good parent?”

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The Counsellor

A couple of days back I had visited one of my friends who had held a get together of sorts in one of the famous hotels in my city. Well, to be precise he was getting married 🙂 . After I have had a couple of drinks, a lady dressed in a black gown came over to me and said–“Are you a marriage counsellor?”

“Not really! Why, do I look like one?”–I was bemused at the very nature of the question, at the same time curious as to where this had come from.

Actually, your friend told me that you are a counsellor and write in some newspaper.”–she tried explaining.

Ya, I have been writing for a newspaper, but that writing doesn’t come close to being a marriage counsel.”–I just wanted to add that it is extremely difficult to provide counselling in case of marriage for its next to impossible to figure out what’s going on in a girl’s mind ;), but I thought of not adding the same just because of the sheer festivity surrounding the occasion.

Even though, I had nothing to do with the term, I started wondering about the complexities involved in the very nature of a job of a counsellor, especially a marriage counsellor whose aim is to sort out any differences and issues that might have arisen in a relationship.

Ranging from understanding the real cause of the problem to figuring out a solution, coupled with all the analysis and effort that goes behind figuring out the various variables responsible for the problem is a hell of a job.

Without going into the details of how a marriage counsellor would tackle a problem, the most important thing in a relationship is mental preparation on the part of the two individuals who are going to enter a relationship and the acceptance of a fact that their lives is going to change.

What they need to realize is that differences are bound to arise but those differences shouldn’t be allowed to develop into conflicts, which require some kind of understanding and patience coupled with a compromising nature on part of both the parties to the contract (after all marriage is nothing but a social contract, at least in legal terms).

If both are able to do just the above, everything should turn out to be just fine.

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