The Misleading Perceptions!

Perceptions can sometimes turn out to be a mockery of one’s rational outlook towards different things in life. And what we see at times can just turn out to be another illusion.

If you are wondering by any chance, why suddenly I am talking about perceptions and illusions, it is because of this incident that I happened to witness today in the morning, while going for my morning walk.

To tell you about the place and the surroundings where this incident actually happened, there is this flyover that is in the process of being built near my apartment and seemed to have resulted in a number of skirmishes, courtesy the poor management of the project by the state government and illogical and irrational methodology of implementation which surely seemed to have taken a toll on the lives of the so many living in the vicinity.

Without going into the details of how the projects are implemented in India and trying not to sound too critical of the same, there is this railway crossing that passes right below the proposed flyover. One side of the road is blocked courtesy all the construction material that has been dumped. The other and the only side which was supposed to be a one-way affair has now turned out into a two-way affair with people trying to find their way amongst all the chaos and traffic.

Though the traffic is not at its peak in the morning hours, yet the road has become so narrow that if one doesn’t bring out the best driving skills that one possesses, then surely, he or she is bound to collide with a vehicle coming from the opposite side. And that is exactly what happend in the morning.Accident with two cars

A man in his mid-forties, or atleast seemed to be so, who happened to be driving his i-10 managed to barge into a SUV by the name of Xylo, being driven by a hugely built guy, who looked nothing less than a body builder. To his fortune or misfortune, the SUV was adorned with flags of a political party by the name of SP who had managed to come into power in the state in the previously held state elections.

Surely the man in his forties had noticed the flag, for his face had gone pale by the time the body builder stepped out of his Xylo and started to move towards the man, fearing the consequences of the incident that had just ensued in front of his eyes.

Expecting that a flurry of bad words would be thrown from each side, coupled with a high probability that a one-sided fight might start, the man in his forties decided to lock his car from inside and thought that he might as well look for a way to escape.

But he could find none, for by the time he reacted, the railway crossing had already closed, waiting for the train to pass by. Realizing that there was no escape available, the man decided to step out of his i-10.

The body builder walked up close to the man, who by then had already started preparing for what seemed to be and can be referred to as the first war of his life. The body builder raised his right hand and kept it on the man’s shoulder. As the man was about to retaliate using his right fist, the body builder said to the man, “Sahab, did you get hurt? I am sorry for the incovenience that I have caused you. You can bring your car to my brother’s garrage. He will repair it.”

On hearing what the body builder had to say, the man couldn’t but believe what he was hearing. On one hand where he was perplexed seeing the unexpected unfold in front of his eyes, on the other hand he was happy for he didn’t have to go through what he had just thought about with regards to the consequences.

The man took the body builder’s leave, accepting his apology and thanking him for the offer that he had made. The body builder too got back into his SUV to proceed to where he was heading.

I, on my part, couldn’t believe what I had just seen. Such courteous behaviour was totally unexpected on part of the body builder who belonged to the ruling party. I wondered how my perceptions towards the guys belonging to political parties (which by the way are based on some of the incidents that I had earlier witnessed and by all stretch of imagination this was truly an exception) had made me imagine things similar to what the man in his forties had, while seated in his car and while trying to find a way to escape.benefit-of-doubt-logo

But this particular incident certainly made me wonder whether it is always a good idea to jump to conclusions based on a set of perceptions. Isn’t it a good policy to give one a benefit of doubt? After all, it doesn’t cost you much for being considerate and moderate. Does it?

Source for Image: http://www.cartell.ie/trade/trade-help/write-off-help/accident-with-two-cars-3/, http://shanegarrison.org/2011/10/07/lanbaptist-sermon-audio/

A True Friend!

The weekend that has just gone by came along with its series of varied experiences. I happened to meet a guy from my college days after a span of 7 years. Much had changed since then.

The guy, who used to be one of the most prolific of thinkers and persons whom I had known in college had become a mere reflection of his self. Once the president of our hostel, now he didn’t seem to reflect the same persona as he used to, once. We always used to think that he would go a long way in his life.

To some extent he has, but not as much as we might have expected him to go. He says that the destiny has not been very kind to him. A sequence of incidents in his life has changed him a lot. He has been through really tough times.

Though, he says that the tough part is over, yet the consequences of the same seemed to have followed him wherever he decides to go and in turn has brought once again in front of his eyes, harsh realities which he would so want to forget.

They say that a one-off incident is easily forgotten, but when that one-off incident is a life-altering experience then one needs to think twice before making such a statement.

As a friend, it doesn’t feel good having seen the man in the state that he is. As a friend, I would want everything to go back to normal in his life. As a friend, I would always wish the best for him.

But the question is, as a friend, can I help him overcome the setbacks that he has been through in his life? As a friend, can I make sure that he is able to think in a positive manner? As a friend, can I help him in his recovery process?

Even if I cannot decide things for him, I can certainly give him the support or the best advice that I possibly can, based on my understanding of his perceptions and thought process.friend Even if I am unable to do the above, I can still stand next to him, providing him the mental and emotional support that he might need in his life. After all, that’s what friends are supposed to do.

It is very natural and easy to criticize someone for having tread the path that they did. But, a true friend, instead of criticizing would try to help the other in ways he or she possibly wants to be helped.

A true friend would not wait for help to be demanded, instead would offer voluntarily. A true friend will not make fun of the person in front of others, but would try to figure out a reason and the solution for the same.

I have come across different kind of people in my life and I would want to believe that no matter how much selfish or self-centred one might become, there will always be this small amount of goodness hidden in some corner, which would propel one to do good things in life and in turn make him or her a responsible and a dependable person.

The only question that you need to answer and take a call on is whether you want to explore that corner and bring out the goodness from the same.

Source for Image: http://myexposition.wordpress.com/2010/06/28/the-values-of-friendship/

The Cancerous Racist!

We, human beings, are very good at differentiating things around us based on the various characteristics that those things might possess. The bad part is that this differentiation is not limited to just things. It tends to overflow to human beings as well, whom we tend to differentiate based on race, caste, colour, sex etc.

It is not only when Indians go abroad, are they differentiated, but also within India we have a tendency to differentiate based on regions. Our attitudes in turn get reflected in our behaviours towards them.

We tend to forget every virtue that tolerance teaches us. We tend to be so engrossed in taking judgements and attributing characteristics to a person, based on our biases that we forget to give the person a benefit of doubt that he or she might be different from the others belonging to the same group.

I used to think that such differentiation is followed only amongst human beings or the living creatures around. But the other day, when I was having a conversation with one of my doctor friends, I couldn’t believe that it is not only the humans who are good at differentiating but also the diseases, especially cancer, which is supposed to be one of the most dreaded disease with no cure what so ever, once a person tends to cross a particular stage.racist

The conversation went something like this:

The one thing that I am very curious about is why people have not been able to find a cure for cancer.”—-Me

Well, first of all you cannot alter the genes, and if you can, it is only upto a certain extent. Secondly, the cancer might be caued due to diet, environment or the lifestyle in general. As far as cure is concerned, it depends on how early it is diagnosed and whether the radiotherapy or the chemotherapy is conducted at the right time.”—Dr.

But are there chances that it might recurr?”–Me

It totally depends on how many times the cells have divided and there are always chances that such a thing might recurr. That’s why regular follow-up is very essential.”—Dr.

We see so many different kinds of cancers that have been detected in humans. Is it true that some are found only in certain countries and not the others?”—Me

Adeno carcinoma is found commonly in developed countries where as in India, you usually get to see squamous cell cancer.”–Dr.

Hmm, even the cancer differentiates. I wonder whether the cancer is racist too.”–Me

🙂 …well cancer is a disease which sucks the life out of you. And so is racism and its consequences.”—Dr.

That was the end of conversation about cancer and the diseases. We could have gone on and on talking about racism, cancer etc. But one thing that we Indians should try to do is to go beyond talking.

We are very fond of table-talks which we don’t want to incorporate into our daily lives. When it comes to following the same, we end up finding it too much to do. We all want to do the easy and ignore what we find as tough or difficult.

Is this lethargy a part of our culture or is it because we have the genes which make us do so? I would want to believe that it is our own attitudes which influence our decisions to include such things in our way of life.

Personally, I think, if everyone would take a plegde to bring about that one important change that is needed in oneself, then the world would become a much better and happier place to live in.change

The question, though is, are we ready to take that one important step towards improvement? Are we ready to take on our own lethargy head-on? Are we prepared to tread the tough path? Are we motivated enough not to think about just us but the entire society or the World? Are we inspired from the teachings of great men who gave up their lives to do what was right at that time? And do we have the intellect to understand what is right and what is wrong and if we have, then would we want to abide by what is right?

Nobody else but you can answer all the above. Only your heart knows what the truth is. Only you, yourself know, deep inside, what is wrong and what is right. The earlier we will start the better, for we don’t want to repent in the future thinking why we didn’t start early.

Source for Image: http://wonkette.com/487709/sarah-palin-will-no-longer-be-racist-as-soon-as-she-understands-what-racism-is, http://blogs.bgsu.edu/elements/tag/change/

The Perception Game!

I have done it so many times. I am sure, you guys might have also done it. It is but a consequence of all of us being human beings. It is so deeply imbibed in our nature that we can’t help it.

We got to have opinions and perceptions about things in life. And on many occasions, the very same perceptions are based on our visual interpretation of things that unfold in front of our eyes.

We tend to form opinions from the appearance of a person. No matter, whether it is the first time that we are meeting that person, the opinions that tend to capture our mind are formed instantaneously.

No benefit of doubt is given to the person on whom the opinion is being formed. It is much like a knee-jerk reaction and can prove to be totally irrational, if one ends up analysing the same in a logical manner.

More often than not, we tend to relate these same perceptions to the personality of the person in focus. As a result, we tend to develop positive or negative feelings towards the person, depending on whether the perceptions are positive or negative.

Our attitude, which is in a way, based on our perceptions of things, tends to become positve or negative towards the same person, which might get reflected in our actions. The cognitive part of our self tends to get reflected in the connative or the emotional part of self and in turn can lead to unwanted consequences for not only us, but also the individual on whom the opinions are being formed.perception

Thus, it is extremely essential for each one of us not to form an opinion on something so fast. One must always give him/her time to evaluate the thing at hand in an unbiased and rational manner, so as to be able to come out with an opinion which is correct and is not influenced by personal biases.

This will not only enable one to form an unbiased opinion, but would also ensure that one doesnt end up ruining one’s relationship with a person, sheerly because of some irrational thought that might have just happened to hit one’s mind.

This, in turn, ensures that one wouldn’t have to go through unwanted complexities in life and would maintian the peace of mind which is so essential for the well being of a person.

So, the next time, whenever you are about to form opinions on persons, places or things, think twice before you do so, for at the end of the day, you might be the biggest loser or winner, depending on how you look at a thing in life.

And I am sure that no one wants to be a loser, right?

Source for Image: http://www.positivity.gr/intro/team/papers/papers3/

The Power of Positivity!

Last ten days of my life are amongst those few days that I would always want to remember as one of the best. I can go on talking about the same but I would want to talk about what happened immediately after those ten days.

I was on my way back to my hometown in a flight that I happened to catch around 1 in the afternoon, exactly 3 hours after the scheduled departure time, courtesy the prevailing foggy weather in and around New Delhi.

If it wasn’t the previous ten days which I can term an awesome period, I would have got really upset about the delay and would have went on criticizing the management of the airlines and in turn the system that we all happen to be a part of.

It is strange how one good incident or a couple of good days spent prior to an incident, can change the manner in which you think along with your thought process and in turn the ability to handle a situation. How wonderful it would be if a person can maintain such a mindset for over a longer period of time!

This is, by no means, a justification for the wrongs happening in our society. It is just that the coping mechanism of an individual grows in leaps and bounds once he/she starts thinking in a positive manner, once he/she focuses on how to improve things rather than focusing on and bringing out the bad part.positivity

Every day of our life, we are met with various situations which can in all senses of the word, be called challenging to the core. And it is our ability to cope up with the tension that comes as a part and parcel of what’s going on, which, in the end decides whether we will emerge stronger or whether we will succumb to the situation.

I am sure that each one of us want to see themselves in a positive light, we want to be seen as people who could do what the others in the same situation couldn’t, we all want to be seen as successful people in the society. We feel great when someone gives our example to inspire others.

It is this quest of appreciation that makes us do things in the right manner. If it were not for this, why would one want to indulge in certain tasks which tend not to bring pleasure but lot of hardships.

It is this ability of a person to cope up with these hardships, that is well sought for in our society and is very well rewarded at the same time appreciated by the people. And a positive frame of mind goes a long way in enhancing these same abilities and in turn makes a person successful.learn_mark_brennan_cc-by-nc-sa2_flickr_heycoach-1197947341

It is true that many amongst us are not able to understand and recognize the immense power that comes along with a positive mindset. Having said that it is not so difficult as well, that one will not be able to comprehend the same.

What is needed though is to learn from one’s own experiences and use the learning in incidents and circumstances which follow thereafter.

Source for Image: http://livelearnloveeat.com/2011/04/26/put-on-positivity-meditation-gratitude-and-affirmations/, http://www.infed.org/biblio/b-learn.htm

Stay Calm! Stay Put!

With the kind of routine that we tend to follow at times, getting up in the morning can indeed be a treat to the eyes, considering that we get to witness the authority that the sun tends to impose on us all, rising from apparently nowhere and turning the heat on, literally.

Our elders always tell us: early to bed, early to rise makes one healthy, wealthy and wise. Though, I was up and around for 2′ o clock yesterday night after a session of snookers and a party thereafter, yet with a sheer determination and a will to be able to get up and witness the natural phenomenon, I was able to make it through this morning.

The cool breeze added to the romance that I seemed to be having with the natural beauty surrounding me in my garden and in true senses of the word, it was indeed a very good morning.

Talking about mornings, each morning tends to bring along with herself a new gasp of air, a renewed and rejuvenated mindset, a determination to keep doing well in life and lot of choices to be made which if done well leads to satisfaction and happiness which, for me, seems to be the goal of the society.

And one such example of a choice that would certainly bring you loads of happiness and good health is to take a morning walk. With not much noise emanating from the vehicles to trouble one, one can have their own sweet time with the nature and can try to think upon some of the issues concerning themselves and their loved ones.

To me, it presents an excellent opportunity to get away from the normal chores of life and spend some time with myself, which in turn enables me to think in a positive manner, at the same time, helps me resolve some of the issues confronting my thought process. Even if these are not resolved, I am  at least able to figure out the course of action that needs to be taken in order to handle or deal with the same.

And this morning was dedicated to a conversation that I happened to have yesterday night with one of the most learned and coolest of doctors whom I have ever met. It is often that when we are drunk to the extent of feeling good about things then we tend to discuss things which we wont otherwise.

Without going into the details of the conversation that I had, one thing that can be called the moral of the discussion was that in order to have a successful relationship, either party needs to cool down when the other party tends to heat up.

The problem arises when both the parties tend to be on the same side of the table representing a hypothetical average between the cooler and hotter sides of the temperature gradient. And then a smallest of thing can take the shape of a Frankenstein monster threatening the very existence of a relationship.

So, all the couples out there who are prone to having discussions about little things in life, you can definitely try to learn from what the larned doctor had to say about the ingredients that should be included in this recipe of a relationship, which will go a long way in keeping your relationship intact, at the same time making it more enjoyable and fulfilling.

Source for Image: http://www.orkut-scraps.world4art.com/good-morning/good-morning-01.php, http://natashatobin.com/blog/?attachment_id=248

Turning into a Cow?

Sometimes I wonder whether we all are turning into cows eyeing at all times the grass on the other side. Why is it that some people develop this habit of seeing the others doing very well in their lives and repenting the fact that they are being left behind in this rat race?

Why the hell do we have to define success everytime in relative terms? Why do we have to compare ourselves with others, at the same time why others end up comparing us to the other significant people around us?

When I was a kid, I never used to believe in the saying: the grass is always greener on the other side. But during this biological period of me becoming an adult, the saying seemed to become truer and truer.

During this journey, I encountered more and more people who would sit for hours repenting on the fact that if they would have done some things differently then their lives would have been something else.

At the same time, they would feel jealous and envy those who ended up doing things differently and thereby becoming more successful.

Somehow, we have got used to giving excuses, at the same time making sure that its not only us who pity us but also the people around us who join us in this tirade.

The question that needs to be asked is whether we are all turning out into cows vying for the grass from other’s garden?

Source for Image: http://web.wapday.com/

e-Soch: Nothing but WWW

I am sure, by now, you know very well as to who Saty is. If not then surely you are going to find out now.

Yesterday, while having our usual conversation, Saty came up with one of the saddest news of his life. Yes! His internet connection had been marred by the thunder showers that had taken the city of Lucknow by surprise.

If you are wondering as to what’s the big deal in net not working, then you and me are on the same footing as this was precisely the question that I put to him. And as if I had opened the Pandora’s box, Saty indeed had his arsenal ready to be used on who else other than me:

Dude! Net is life. I feel so constrained when I am not on the net. As if the life seems to have come to a standstill. How many friends would be waiting for me to log on and solve their problems which they might be having with their girlfriends and I have got so used to solving them that I can’t but let them suffer without me even trying to help them out.

I am unable even to think about something. Every thought of mine comes from the net. I want to kill the BSNL people for having done this to me. They have brought me immense mental trauma and suffering. I am even thinking about filing an RTI for the same. Do you think it’s a good idea? And by the way, how much would it cost?” —–Saty

Well! The RTI won’t cost you much, but if you carry on like this, spending so much time on the computer, then for sure, you are going to have a hard time in the future.”—-Me

Why are you saying this? What’s wrong in spending time on net and interacting with people?“—-Saty

There is nothing wrong with interacting with people, but the question is for how long? To cite a few reasons as to why you shouldn’t do it: firstly, it is not worth wasting your time which can very well be used in constructive activities and even if you want to interact with your friends then also you don’t need to spend the whole day doing that; secondly, as many researchers have already found out, spending too much time on the net can not only make you addicted to the same but can also have drastic consequences for your health (e.g. eyes and neck); thirdly, you tend to start living in a virtual world of your own, away from the reality of life which is waiting to welcome you the moment you step out of your home. How can you be so naive about it?“—Me

Yaar, it’s not that I don’t know about these things. It is just that I have got too much addicted to it, and the moment I get up in the morning, there is a strong urge of me logging on to what you call the virtual world. People tend to know me here and give me importance for my nature and for the human being I am, where as in your real world, where materialistic success is the only reason why people might want to meet you, I think I am better off not making myself exposed to the same.“—-Saty

Hmm! I can understand what you mean. But for how long can you carry on doing like this? There will surely arrive some point when you will realize that enough is enough and that you need to get out of this addiction.“—-Me

May be, you are right. But for now I don’t want to think about what’s going to happen in the future. I prefer living in the current as the future makes me very nervous.“—-Saty

These were his last words before our conversation came to an abrupt end and I thought it not wise to carry on with the discussion. Firstly, because I, myself, didn’t have any answer to the perplexing riddle of the real World about the way it operates and secondly, because by arguing I would have made Saty more sad, sheerly because he too is aware of the consequences of what he is doing.

Though, it didn’t stop me pondering about an issue that is becoming more relevant in present day context. I have met people who think about nothing else but logging on. Their craving is so visible that they, at times, tend to ignore their bosses and their real World friends in order to being able to spend some time on the net.

It has also become an escape for those who are not able to do what they would have wanted to do in their lives and thus have decided to abandon the real World altogether. It has also evolved as a refuge for single mothers, or widowers, who are not able to overcome their losses and the societal consequences resulting from the same.

Indeed, our thought processes are increasingly becoming dependant on the very revolution that Tim Berner Lee would have thought to bring in this world by inventing WWW.

I know that this phenomenon is not going to dissipate in the near future and is here to stay. I just hope that people can extract all the positives from this phenomenon and can prevent any harm from occuring to them, as you know that there are always two sides of a coin and one side is never right.

Source for Image: http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/blog/2011/oct/18/battle-dot-eco, http://www.rediff.com/business/slide-show/slide-show-1-how-internet-is-creating-jobs-worldwide/20110527.htm, http://theinternet11.blogspot.in/

What a Guy calls Torture !

Baby, I love you na!”–Guy

“Jhoot, sab jhoot! You don’t care for me. You keep roaming with friends. You don’t have any time for me.”–Girl

Of course not baby! You know even when I am around with friends, I keep thinking about you.”–Guy

Very funny! Then why didn’t you give me a call?”–Girl

Oh wo to because I was driving na! And moreover my battery was so low that I couldn’t even send you a message.”–Guy

What rubbish! If you really wanted to talk to me, you could have called me up from your friend’s cell or a PCO.”–Girl

Hey, guess what! I gotta surprise for you.”–Guy (tries to change the topic of conversation)

“Is it? What? Now it better be good for you have lots n lots to make up to me.”–Girl

Well, these are not dialogues from some movie of the genre of DCH (I am sure you all remember the character played by Saif Ali Khan), but a real life talking example between a girl and a guy, who finally takes a sigh of relief having deviated the girl away from the topic that he so hates to discuss, but is forced to do so anyway, because of the very perseverance shown by the girl.

It’s not that the girl doesn’t understand that the guy is trying to take her away from the crux of the matter, but she believes in letting him go until the next time, as she thinks that she has thrown enough of tantrums for this time, and moreover she awaits thesurprisethat is supposed to be coming her way.

The guy, on the other hand, thinks that how intelligent he is, for managing to escape from the topic and for having restored normalcy in the relationship again. Though, he doesn’t have the slightest of notions about what is in store for him in times to come when this very example and many more would be cited in order to initiate a conversation (more so a fight), which would totally be guided by the mood of the girl.

In short, the guy doesn’t realize that he has become, nothing, but a slave of the wishes of his girlfriend. Soon after, what follows is as good as anyone’s guess. A series of quarrelling which soon turn into serious debates about relationships and what results in the end is a breakup.

On being asked to the guy as to what had resulted in him and his girlfriend resorting to such an action, his answer is pretty much reflective of his understanding and perception about a relation, which is nothing but immensely immature.

She made my life hell, you see. She didn’t give me any space. I felt so constrained that I couldn’t really breathe.”–Guy’s explanation

Somehow, I have heard and listened to such explanations so often, that there was a time when I seriously started doubting the intention of a girl. The ever reverberating question kept stimulating my mind: What does a girl really want? Is she always after the life of a guy?

On going a bit deeper into the complex nature of the relationship, I realized that it all starts withpep talkwherein a guy tries to do any and everything in order to woo the girl. He resorts to actions which might be totally incompatible with the basic personality of the guy, which in turn develops expectations on part of the girl, which the guy would never be able to fulfill in the future, sheerly because it doesn’t match the very basic nature of the guy.

As a result one can hear the girl saying:Tum to aise nahi the. Kitna badal gaye ho tum,which if we think from the girl’s perspective is so true.

Having said the above, what one really wants to know is whether there is a solution to the whole dynamics that I have described above.

I believe that for any realtionship to succeed, the most important ingredient is honesty. One needs to be honest to both oneself and his/her partner. It is extremely important to put your true self in front of a person whom you are thinking of spending your whole life with.

There is absolutely no requirement what so ever for faking or doing something which you are not capable of doing and which you certainly will not be doing in the future.

At the same time, the girl should understand that there is a general pattern or a curve that every relationship follows. With the relationship becoming more and more mature, things certainly are bound to change. The form of expression of love might change. The depth of conversations might become more mature and serious at times.

This, in no way, is reflective of the fact that the love quotient has gone down between the couple or the relationship has lost the charm that it once had. It is just indicative of a fact that the relationship has become more strong and solid.

In the end, what a guy calls torture is a result of his own activites at times and as a guy, one should try to abide by the principles of honesty.

The question that needs to be understood more than answering is: “Can you honestly love a dishonest thing?”

Source for Image: http://www.milliondollarmarriage.me/honesty-trust-respect-love, http://www.ortegaumc.org/pages/pastor_notes_8-15-10.html

Seek the Right Person

There was a time when, one would have to wait for a week or even a month before some news could be delivered via the medium of letters. One used to wait to hear that tring tring emanating from the bicycle of the very man in uniform whom we used to call postman.

Times have changed. One, no longer, needs to wait for a piece of news. Instead, it can be delivered instantaneously using the various mediums that are available to us.

Indeed, it has led to a revolution when it comes to exchanging information and has in turn enhanced the ability of a person to respond quickly to a situation or to take an ad-hoc decision.

Where there have been so many pros, some elders in our society have a totally different take on the same and this pertains more to a sociological point of view.

According to them, the revolution in IT and Communications has led to increase in fights and dissent amongst the members of a family.

In older times, since the information could not be transmitted so easily, one tended not to take advice or be guided from others and in turn was forced to developing their own thinking and their own perceptions about a thing or a situation.

Now a days, according to the elders, everytime there is a fight in a family or amongst its members, what one does is to resort to making a phone call to the nearest person at hand.

What it does is, that the family matters tend to sneek out of the enclosures provided by the walls of a house. In case the person from whom the advice is being seeked is a well-wisher, things tend to normalize as he/she tends to give theappropriateadvice.

But, if the person is not a well-wisher then he/she might tend to create all kinds of issues in the family, thereby creating a divide amongst its members, at the same time ensuring that the family is exposed to public gaze, which can have deadly societal consequences.

Thus, what the elders would like to suggest is that family matters should be resolved within the chaar-diwari.

On one hand, where talking to the right person might lead to release of stress and frustration emerging from a situation, on the other hand it can end up real bad if the person from whom the advice is seeked turns out to be a crook.

With the kind of society that we are living in and with the kind of taboo attached to seeking professional help, one needs to bring a change in the perception associated with the act of going to a psychiatrist or the act of seeking professional help e.g. going to a counsellor.

This will not only help reduce the various problems emanating because of stress and tension but would also help in maintaining stability in our society.

Source for Image: http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-image-royalty-free-stock-image-finding-right-person-image15849016