Tag Archives: Arranged

Kabul Hai!

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It is not often when you find yourself in a situation where one of your best friends from school era is about to get hooked to someone via the concept of the all so famous arranged marriage in India.

And it is not often that you find yourself accompanying him to the place where the girl’s side is about to meet the guy’s side and is trying to get this meeting to a fruitful conclusion. Somehow, you are also expected to play a big role in the same by analyzing the entire dynamics of the meeting and figure out whether the girl will turn out to be suitable for the guy and vice-versa.

I have just had this experience of accompanying one of my best friends to his house where the meeting was scheduled to take place. More than I, who was feeling really awkward doing this stuff, my friend was feeling even more awkward considering that he hates this whole concept of families getting to know each other along with the guy and the girl.

More than discussing their own things, the families are more so concerned about what the guy and the girl might be talking to each other, of course their sole intention being that the guy should like the girl and similarly the girl should like the guy.

The conversation that ensues between the guy and the girl ranges from what they are doing at present to what they normally like doing, hobbies etc etc. It sounds like a chat on Yahoo Messenger or gtalk where one tries to know the other person or in short need a way to start the conversation.24359_345198221385_163967111385_4131380_3284188_n

I wonder whether one is really interested in knowing as to what the other person might be interested in, apart from just finding a way to start that conversation and hoping that the girl would follow suit.

The tactics and the strategy seems to work on every occasion and in turn leads to that all important conversation which will be the decisive factor with regards to whether the guy and the girl would get married.

On one hand where the guy and the girl seem to be shyly involved in their own discussions, on the other hand, the families sit there keeping their fingers crossed hoping that they will get to hear an affirmative from the two after they have finished talking.

I guess what I have mentioned above used to be an old era scenario where the guy wouldn’t be allowed to meet the girl more than once and he had to take the most important call of his life in just one meeting.

Things have certainly changed over time. Now, the guy and the girl at least in not so conservative families are allowed to meet more than once in order to decide whether they will be able to spend their entire life together.

As far as this meeting is concerned, all went well and my friend decided to meet this girl once again in the near future hoping to find out whether the compatibility quotient was high enough for him to say Kabul hai. 😉

Source for Image: http://barbieloveislam.blogspot.in/2011/01/ishq-e-nabi-hoto-ibadat-kabul-hai.html

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The Jugaadu’s Shaadi!

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Every day is a new day. Every day is a new beginning. Every day brings along a new perspective. Every day, a new experience tends to hit you head on.

Have you ever appreciated the fact that each day in our life is a thing to really look forward to. Not many of us would have thought about it and for those who have, they might have just allowed this thought to cross their minds without leaving any kind of significant trace on the lanes of memory.

But one thing that always seem to leave a trace on our memories is the time that we spend with our near and dear ones, the time that we always tend to reminisce about, the time we would so wish to come back to us.

And one such occassion occured very recently in my life, the essence of which has been brought out by none other than saty:

“wahi shaam ki mohakta, wahi raahon ka ishaara,                                                             wahi ek manjil humari, wo shaant nehar ka kinara,                                                                kinare per goonjati bas hum doston ki aawajein,                                                              kuch khusion kuch gamon se bhari humari baatein,                                                           wo haseen pal banke anmol aaj fir mahak uthe,                                                                  wo panchi bichde mile to aaj fir chahak uthe“

Indeed, it was a night to remember, not because we did something extraordinary and out of the blue thing, but sheerly because of revisiting the connect that we all so wish to feel again and again and which seems to grow in leaps and bounds with every such opportunity.

Usually, there is isn’t any topic in particular, that we tend to focus on, but yesterday courtesy another very dear friend whom we all call jugaadu (because of the talent that only he possesses), we all ended up discussing jugaadu ki shaadi.
I wonder if the older generation did the same as we somehow end up doing every now and then, not many would have got married. It is amazing to see how things evolve over time and how the thought process tends to change with every generation assimilating and accomodating the newly evolved opinions and ideas.
It is true that deciding upon whom you would want to spend your entire life with, can indeed be a mindblogging decision, considering the inherent subjectivity involved in the whole process and also because the criteria of an ideal partner has changed over time.
Presumably, that was the reason why our ancestors left it as a matter of fate over which no one seems to have control over and which has already been decided by someone up there.
Whatever might be the sweet will of the Almighty, one thing that goes a long way in keeping up a healthy relationship with your better half and if I take the liberty of representing that one thing in the form of an equation, then it would go somewhat like this:
Healthy relationship = committment * compromise
The above is not a guarantee or a turn key solution to all woes encountered, but surely it can and will lead to maintaining a better relationship in times to come.
Marriages are indeed made in Heaven. The thing that needs to be done here on Planet Earth is to savour it the way it is supposed to be at the same nurture the very foundations of a healthy relationship.
Somehow all the jugaad tends to fail and only genuine efforts result in bonhomie and a successful relationship. I hope someone is listening ;).
Source of Image: http://engineersunit.blogspot.in/2011/06/love-and-arranged-marriages.html

How can you do that?

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A little while back, I was browsing through some of my pics which I took while I was in Europe. It reminded me of a coversation that I had with one of my friends who is a French (whom I will call Frenchie from now on ;)) and he is currently living in Paris. If you are wondering why all of a sudden I decided to go back in my memory lane, it is because I just got a message on fb from frenchie inviting me for his marriage which will take place sometime in November.

Without really going into the details of the marriage :P, let me do tell you about this conversation that I had with him when I was in Paris.

“Hey, how is it possible for you guys to do what you end up doing?”—frenchie

“What do we end up doing, buddy?”—me

“Oh, how can you get married to a girl whom you have never met before or for that matter never had an opportunity to spend some time together?”—frenchie

“Well! That’s the case for the majority in India and its very much a part of the societal system that we Indians happen to be a part of. I guess, it comes very natural to us.”—

“Yaaa, I could never do such a thing. Comeon, it can turn out to be a disaster.”—frenchie

“Yes, there is a possibility, but then don’t you think the chance, if not equal, is still there when you end up marrying a person of your own choice, though the probability seems to be lesser as compared to that in case of an arranged marriage.”—me

“Hmm! I guess you have a point, else why would there be so many divorce happening around among the current generation in Europe.”–frenchie

“See, at the end of the day, what matters is whether you are able to maintain and nurture the compatibility which people believe tends to come on its own, but least to their expectations, it needs to be nurtured and a lot of effort needs to be put in, in order to ensure that the compatibility grows leaps and bounds, which is so essential for a harmonious and loving relationship.”—me

“But don’t you think you will be compromising in such a situation?”—frenchie

“It depends on how you want to perceive such an act. For some, it might look like a compromise, but for others it might just be a gesture to show how much one wants to be with another person and what all he or she is ready to sacrifice for the moments that they end up spending together as a part and parcel of their relationship.”—me

“Then what if it takes a toll on you and you realize that it has been you who has been putting all the effort without the other person reciprocating for the same. Don’t you think you will really get frustrated about the whole scenario?”—frenchie

“Yes, you might get frustrated. In such a situation you can take either of the two courses that I am about to tell you. One is: that you go by what the philosophers in the field of love have to tell you about love and that is to love a person selfishly without really worrying about the returns, which I agree might be too much to ask for from this pragmatic World of which we all happen to be a part of. Second is: you should talk to the other person and should try to convey what you might be going through and what expectations you might be having from your better half, and then try to sit together and resolve the issue amongst yourselves; which seems to be a more pragmatic course of action.”–me

“You should be a counselor man! What are you doing in this business school? 😉 “–frenchie

“Yaaaa! Totally! 🙂 “—me

And that was the last conversation I had with him before leaving Paris. Today, he is in a relationship (already engaged) and guess what he is about to get married arrangedly.

It is true that it is a very rare phenomenon in Europe in contemporary times. But if you happen to come from one of the richest business families in Europe then it does come very naturally to you ;).

With the kind of persona, this man has, I have no doubts what so ever that by now he might have already mastered what I call the art of marriage and would be all set to put into practice the very same art.

I would take this opportunity to wish him from my side and from all of you out there who are reading this article : Wishing him and his better half all the very best for the future. 🙂

But guys out there, who are already married and who are yet to master this art, what are you all waiting for? Christmas! ;). Wishing all the married couples all the best on this journey of life where they would be trying to master this very ART OF MARRIAGE.

Source for Image: http://www.icmarriage.com/, http://vasukimahal.blogspot.in/2009/12/equality-between-men-and-women.html