Arranged Marriage: Guy’s Perspective!

Carrying on with my love for arranged marriage, this one is inspired from none other than a very good friend of mine who has supposedly turned a shayar from a seedha saadha aadmi (what Congress might want to refer to as the aam aadmi) and is in the form of a conversation (more like a one-way conversation) that ensued between him (F) and myself (M) not over a cup of coffee this time but over a bottle of scotch, which is one of the most preferred and obviously not the recommended way of getting rid of that hesitation that makes you worry about what the other person sitting in front of you might think about your credentials and pass judgement based on his perception of what kind of person you are. (Mind you, all this conversation ensued when was five pegs down)AM

Yaar, I feel very blessed these days. After all I am getting married. I have never experienced such a thing before. Guess, what I think and I believe that I am in love.”—F

“Hmmmmmmmm :)”—-M

“But I don’t know why the hell this world and all my friends are after me trying to figure out what big a deal is it to get married. It was only yesterday that Mr. gave me a call. He sounded more surprised than happy to hear about my marriage. Seeing me all too excited, the first thing he mentioned was why I am getting so impatient and irrationally happy. My reply was, isn’t it obvious for a guy who had been waiting for it to happen for so long and had undergone what can truly be referred to as a mental trauma in trying to figure out the best match for himself.”—F

Hmm, absolutely. And it is good to be happy. Right!”—M

Ya, that was what I was trying to explain to him. But his version was that there is no need to change oneself for anyone. What crap! It is bound to have some kind of impact on my life in a positive way that is. You know what the problem is, all these ghochoos use to make fun of me in college that no girl would ever become my girlfriend and that they would certainly get married before me. Now the tables have turned and they are not able to digest the fact that the yesteryear ghochoo has now become today’s bond. Ego, you see, is a sure killer. Even Sigmund Freud wouldn’t have imagined, how fatal these egos can be!”—F

And he continued:

It is not that I want bad for them. But at least they should be happy that their ghochoo has become a bond. What’s the problem in accepting a simple fact that everyone has a bond hidden somewhere inside him. It is up to that individual to bring out that bond in himself and prove to the world that no ghochoo is a born ghochoo and no bond is a born bond. It is how shared and non-shared environment act upon an individual to give him a personality through which he is recognized in this world apart from the Genes that one is happy or sad to inherit from his parents. Why I say, sad, is that at times people are not too happy with the kind of genes they got as a consequence of being born in a family over which they don’t seem to have any control. But then too, I feel they should feel happy that at least they were born a human and not a filthy creature for which there is always a possibility if we were to accept what the Hindu mythology tells us all.”—F

And there he was in no mood to halt.

You know, I was rejected by four girls. Yes, I know I am not that good looking. I know, I am not that smart when it comes to speaking my mind out. I know, I am not that happening and modern like the urbane guys. But I am a good individual :(.”—-F

And then there was silence, only to be broken again by none other than F.

You see, it is not only the girls who have to go through all the shitty things before they end up getting married. It is also the guys who, at times, have to go through a lot more than what can ever be imagined in this man-dominated society we seem to be living in. Trust me, it is not so easy to get married. It is only when your parents are fully convinced about the girl’s and the girl’s family’s credentials that you are made to meet the girl. Then too, you don’t know what you are going to talk to the girl and how on earth would it be possible for you to figure out whether the girl will supposedly meet all the expectations that your family has from her. And if at all, you trust your judgement and go ahead with your decision, then too you are blamed for your lack of judgement and stupidity in case some thing bad happens.”—-F

He was too drunk and he kept speaking.

And that’s what exactly happened in the previous case. You know, I was engaged before this, right. Everything was good and then one fine morning, this girl calls me to inform that she is calling off the marriage and the reason she gave was that she hadn’t told me before about her boyfriend who had now agreed to marry her. It’s so ridiculous, at the same time funny, where these girls consider it as a joke and a game of poker where in they want to and get to chose the best available alternate.”—-F

There was silence again for a second time. And then he finally opened up.

Dude, I have no grudges against anyone. You see, what is in destiny is bound to happen, no matter whether anyone wants or not; no matter whether your friends call you ghochoo or bond; no matter whether there are numerous hurdles that need to be crossed over before you reach your final goal and no matter whether you are rejected by a couple more girls. Now, tell me who is a ghochoo?:)”—Fom-shanti-om

And then he spoke no more. He was too drunk to speak and had fallen asleep.

As I got up to clear the left overs, it reminded me of a dialogue from a movie which goes something like this, अंत तक सब कुछ ठीक ही हो जाता है, और अगर ना हो तो पिक्चर अभी बाकी है मेरे दोस्त”.

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A True Friend!

The weekend that has just gone by came along with its series of varied experiences. I happened to meet a guy from my college days after a span of 7 years. Much had changed since then.

The guy, who used to be one of the most prolific of thinkers and persons whom I had known in college had become a mere reflection of his self. Once the president of our hostel, now he didn’t seem to reflect the same persona as he used to, once. We always used to think that he would go a long way in his life.

To some extent he has, but not as much as we might have expected him to go. He says that the destiny has not been very kind to him. A sequence of incidents in his life has changed him a lot. He has been through really tough times.

Though, he says that the tough part is over, yet the consequences of the same seemed to have followed him wherever he decides to go and in turn has brought once again in front of his eyes, harsh realities which he would so want to forget.

They say that a one-off incident is easily forgotten, but when that one-off incident is a life-altering experience then one needs to think twice before making such a statement.

As a friend, it doesn’t feel good having seen the man in the state that he is. As a friend, I would want everything to go back to normal in his life. As a friend, I would always wish the best for him.

But the question is, as a friend, can I help him overcome the setbacks that he has been through in his life? As a friend, can I make sure that he is able to think in a positive manner? As a friend, can I help him in his recovery process?

Even if I cannot decide things for him, I can certainly give him the support or the best advice that I possibly can, based on my understanding of his perceptions and thought process.friend Even if I am unable to do the above, I can still stand next to him, providing him the mental and emotional support that he might need in his life. After all, that’s what friends are supposed to do.

It is very natural and easy to criticize someone for having tread the path that they did. But, a true friend, instead of criticizing would try to help the other in ways he or she possibly wants to be helped.

A true friend would not wait for help to be demanded, instead would offer voluntarily. A true friend will not make fun of the person in front of others, but would try to figure out a reason and the solution for the same.

I have come across different kind of people in my life and I would want to believe that no matter how much selfish or self-centred one might become, there will always be this small amount of goodness hidden in some corner, which would propel one to do good things in life and in turn make him or her a responsible and a dependable person.

The only question that you need to answer and take a call on is whether you want to explore that corner and bring out the goodness from the same.

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The Conversation!

A couple of days back, I happened to meet a very dear friend of mine from my school days. We coincidently not only went to the same school but also the same college. Here is an extract of the conversation that ensued amongst us thereafter:conversation

Yaar, it is good to be meeting you after such a long time.” —Friend

Same here buddy. So, how is it going?” —Me

Yaar, I have got this job of Assistant Executive to the CEO of a company. I am glad that I have been able to get this one, for I had been waiting for so long to get this one opportunity, which I wanted to make it count.” —Friend

Wow! That’s really nice. Congratulations.”–Me

Thanks man. You know I always used to look at our batch mates, who have been able to do so well in their life. Some have gone on to become VPs in their own company. Some, on the other hand, have been able to excel in their own start ups. Some have gone on to become bureaucrats. It is amazing, how the same guys who used to study with us, once upon a time, have been able to achieve totally different lifestyles.”—Friend

That’s so very true. When we were in college, we never used to think about what the future will be and even if we did we never imagined that the future will be so different for each one of us. We never thought that the status and the opportunties that we would get would be so different from one another.”—-Me

I remember when Deutsche Bank was supposed to come to our college for placement. How naive we were not to understand the fact that the life of those who would start with companies like Deutsche or Schlumberger would be so different than those who would start with small companies. How fast the people joining the big shot companies would rise in their career leaving behind those who wouldn’t be able to make it through those companies.”—Friend

Not only did we not realize the significance of what we would be missing, but also we would end up passing comments and making fun of those, who would put in their hard work and prepare themselves for these companies. We used to refer to them as Maggus. It is today that these Maggus have been able to leave a mark on this society.”—Me

Indeed, they have been. Today when I got this job, I felt like I belong to the same league. I had been going through this complex seeing the others excel.”—Friend

It happens, yaar. Once you start to compare yourself with others, you tend to develop this kind of feeling. On one hand, where you get to see a person from the same batch moving around in a Mercedes, on the other hand, you see people struggling to buy even a car. The contrast that you see, make you think, whether the decisions you had taken in your life were really worth it and you start questionning the logic behind taking such decisions, at the same time reminiscing about what could have been, in case you had taken different decisions in your life, at a time, when it really mattered.”—Me

What about you? Don’t you ever feel frustrated? Don’t you ever feel left behind in this rat race? Don’t you feel that you should wear the best of clothes? Don’t you feel that you haven’t gone on to achieve what you could have?”—Friend

These are indeed very tough questions to be answered. I, of course, feel that at times, if I start comparing myself with anyone who has been more successful than me, for instance if I compare myself with you 😉 . But, on second thoughts, I feel that life is a trade-off. Everyone needs to set priorities in their life and should do accordingly, because when they will be, say 60 years old, they would want to reflect on what had just gone by and would want to believe that overall they did well.”—Me

So what is your priority in life? What do you want to be thinking when you reach that age? Why I am asking this is because I feel that you never seem to get too affected by lots of things in life.”—Friend

My priority has been and will always be my family. No materialistic thing in the World can take away this priority from my life. All my decisions would always be contigent on the same. I guess that’s the reason why I don’t get so upset about things, so easily.”—Me

Hmm! Wish I clould think like you. I get really affected by things around me and the ambition in me motivates me to go after luxuries in life, at times ignoring even my family.” —Friend

Dude, life seems always greener on the other side. There is this concept of opportunity cost which I always used to find extremely funny. It all depends on how one would want to interpret an opportunity. For me, the thing we ended up doing was the only opportunity that we had, for those we didn’t avail can be well interpreted as one which wasn’t meant to be availed and if it wasn’t meant to be availed then where does the concept of opportunity arise in this case.”—Me

Hmm! You should start a new subject, the philosophy of Management ;).”—Friend

I wish I could 🙂 .”—Me

And that was it. Life is certainly what you make of it. Though, some believe that the parameters or the range which has been provided to you might have already been decided by somewhere sitting up there. It is up to you to believe in this or not.satisfied_600

But what you should certainly try to do is to derive satisfaction from whatever you end up doing. For if you dont, then no matter how high you rise in your career or profession, you will always feel a void in and around you, which will never let you enjoy the possessions and luxuries, which you achieved via your hard work and efforts.

So, stay positive and stay satisfied :).

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The Trip!

The last time I was here telling you guys about my new trip, I was just about leaving that very moment and now having returned back to the cosy comforts of my habitation, here I am all set to share what I have just experienced.

When I left my place two days back, I had no clue where I would be heading to in the two days of my life which were about to follow that very day. Even though there wasn’t any destination in mind, yet, there was a sense of joy and excitement which was very much visible on my face.

With no one to talk to, I had an ipod and of course my own vehicle to accompany me on this trip. There were no time constraints and no deadlines that I was supposed to meet.

With lot of time in hand, the roads (if I can call them so because of the condition that they were in) didn’t seem to bother my state of consciousness and I drove in a carefree manner, at times taking a halt and having a cup of tea on the immensely famous dhabas in our country that happened to fall on the route.

A 74 km jounrey to Rudrapur which should normally take an hour, took me nearly 4 hours. A couple of factors were responsible for the same. First, I was in a really good mood and wasn’t in any kind of hurry what so ever and second, the condition of the roads didn’t allow me to drive at a speed higher than 40km/h or so.

On reaching Rudrapur, I was welcomed by a person whom I have admired throught the time period that I have known him. A very polite and sweet person you will ever come across and in true senses a gem of a person.

The time that I spent thereafter was in the company of this wonderful person. What’s amazing about this person is that the more I talk about him, the fonder I become

What followed was a treat that I would remember throughout my life. We literally went places ranging from Haldwani to Nainital. The mountains seemed to be welcoming us with open arms and the weather was ever so enticing and inviting.

When you are in such good company, you can’t help but discuss life. And that was exactly what we ended up doing, which led to one insight after another.

True to our nature, courtesy the same place we both used to inhabit once upon a time in our lives (our college), it was in true senses of the word a g-drive bulla session.

For those who are unable to discover the implicit meaning behind the explicit expression of a true emotion, it is very much my responsibility to tell you guys that g-drive bulla session is the most arbit of discussions you can ever have about things ranging from anything to everything.

What follows after that discussion is not any logical/rational inferences or judgements but a void which makes you want to discuss more and more about the same or different topics (for that matter what topic we are talking on doesn’t seem to matter).

After having had a wonderful night out on the streets of Nainitaal we decided to head back to the secure environment of our homes.

With lots to ponder over and lots to cherish, this trip was in more ways than one a very different trip. Without going into the details of why it was different, it was truly, what I would like to call a value-addition trip.

There was so much to learn, there was so much to experience, yet the trip, in no way, demeaned the very essence and significance of what a trip means to the many who love to travel.

All in all, it will always remain somehwere deep down in my memory lane as a trip which I had always craved for.

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