Shopping Wopping!

I would want to believe that majority of guys don’t like shopping when it comes to your wives and girlfriends dragging you to the market place especially after a plethora of emotional dialogues and blackmail, and leaving you with no other choice but to comply to their sweet will.

Some of you might toe in line and pretend to like the very idea thinking that since you are already there, you might as well enjoy the entire experience. The rest, on the other hand, would crib and act as if they are going through the torture of their lives, making it sure that the girlfriend or the wife comes to know about the same and hoping that they wouldn’t be dragged from next time around, but little do they realize they would not only become a punching bag for their better halves on reaching home but would also have to go through a hell lot of serious torture while trying to provide a proof of your love towards your better

Intelligent are those who tend to pretend liking the entire shopping experience as they are then treated by their better halves in the most wonderful and sensual of mannerism which any guy could die for.

Does it mean that every guy should try to alter the very core of their personalities and start liking shopping? Well, not really but surely you should at least give it a thought and try to fall in the former category in case you want your love life to remain peaceful at all times.

But won’t it mean compromising too much? Wasn’t it meant to be a give and take relationship? Wasn’t it meant to be a mutually desirable and pleasurable experience?

If you guys out there are wondering about all the above questions, then you are true to the core persona, but little do you realize that when you tend to enter into a relationship, it is 90% of the time that women have a knack of making you do what you might least want to do, considering the kind of manipulation power and in turn intelligence that they seem to be born with.

I wonder why women have a stereotypical view of being called stupid and are labelled such by our society. If anyone in this world has a doubt regarding whether they are or not, might want to think about it again after giving recognition to the wonderful knack that they have developed in pursuing a guy to toe to their will.

Well, this is just one perspective and it would be unfair on my part, if I fail to present the views of the fairer sex on the wopping

For a girl, shopping is equivalent to a lifeline that they get in return for what all they go through during their life. It is similar to a guy’s lifeline of say watching IPL or any sports or pursuing any particular hobby that is so near and dear to him.

It surely makes them happy. A guy would wonder why and how spending nearly half the guy’s income can make anybody happy, but the truth is, that it does for majority of the girls. After all, it is about maintaining a certain level of happiness quotient in life, which they do so by indulging in shopping. Not to mention that there are indeed mature souls on this planet who take a different view altogether and who spend only when there is enough to spend and do not dive into a careless spree of buying anything and everything that comes to their mind.

Recently, I happened to be talking to one such mature lady, a relative (R) of mine (M), with whom I happened to have a wonderful conversation regarding shopping.

You know, it feels really nice when my husband asks me to go out with him to the market place. It does not necessarily mean that I would spend money but just the idea of my husband taking care of my feelings and giving what I want a consideration makes me happy.”—–R

Yes, I can understand. It feels that the other person cares for you.”—-M

Ya, absolutely! Also, I like seeing new things. I like witnessing the kind of fashion that is prevalent now a days. I like to do window shopping more than actually going out there and buying every possible item I can think of. It is also about spending some quality time with your husband which you normally don’t get a chance because you are so engrossed in your daily routine and don’t find time for such activities. It is very much a break for all ladies.”—-R

True. And everyone desires a change from the monotony that ensues courtesy the kind of Indian society we all happen to live in, where the woman in the house, at least from your generation is expected to get up everyday in the morning and is expected to take care of all the needs of not only the husband and children but also the entire family, ranging from grandfather to brother-in-laws, especially in a joint family.”—-M

Ya, and see how wonderfully we do this job, without any complaints and with full devotion. It looks pretty easy but can be really taxing and tiring. No man can take on such a responsibility because they are not made that way by God. I guess he had special plans when it came to taking care of the family needs and every woman of my generation should take great pride in the things we do.”—-R

True, and hats off to all the ladies and my mother for having done so for so long.”—-M

Ok, you tell me. Men call it a give and take relationship. So, for what we do, don’t we deserve an evening out with the man in our lives, where we can get to enjoy buying new things, which by the way, most of the times are related to the needs of the family and the household. So it is not that we are always buying something for ourselves. We buy keeping in mind everything that might be required by the family. In a way, we are still on duty keeping every little thing in our mind at all times and ensuring that everyone remains happy in our house. After hearing all this, you tell me, whether it is too much a demand that our husbands always seem to crib about?”—-R

Well, I had no answer to the last question that she asked and I seemed a totally transformed person after the entire conversation. Indeed the woman of our lives does take care of all the things that we can possibly think of. In different roles whether it be of a daughter, or a wife or a mother, she tends to fulfill every little expectation that the society has from her. Doesn’t she deserve a better treatment from all the guys?shopping boy

Come on, guys! It is not much that is being asked of you. And I am sure that all of us are capable of doing much better in life :).

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2 States in my family!

Chetan Bhagat is one guy who has inspired not only me but so many budding writers who wanted to write but could never take that courage to delve into the same, courtesy the kind of remuneration that the industry offers and courtesy the kind of success rate associated with the same.

His inspiration has not been limited to his breed and has instead gone much beyond the same, courtesy the kind of books he has written which has made a significant impact on the lives of so many, not only in India but also across the seven seas.2 states

And one such person happens to be my very own sister-in-law (saali) who would soon get married to a Tamil guy, hailing from the same college as hers. Courtesy, 2 States, the world has become much more open to accepting the concept of getting married in a different caste, religion or region.

On my part, I am extremely excited that I would get a chance to witness the much awaited 2 States like wedding taking place in my in-laws house in a few days time. The concept of two families hailing from two totally different backgrounds and having totally different perceptions would be seen coming together to have a consensus on a common issue.

The excitement seems to have caught everyone in the family, with my brother-in-law even contemplating getting dressed in a lungi, similar to the likes of the bridegroom and my sister-in-laws all set to adorn kerala style sarees. 

How wonderful it would be if the two parties to the contract decide to get dressed in a manner suited to the likes of the other party, with the Tamil family dressing in a North Indian style and the north Indian family dressing in a Tamil attire!

If this is not the real manifestation of unity in diversity, then I wonder what is! Wouldn’t it be amazing if the entire world could take a cue from such examples of unison and get motivated to drive away the enmity and conflicts evolving from regionalism?

Wouldn’t it be nice to see the next generation getting a chance to experience both cultures at home and imbibing values that are extremely essential when it comes to the unity and integrity of our country?

Being an ardent Shahrukh Khan fan that I am, I would want to see much more of such marriages taking place in our country.Arranged-marriage-image

May be what the government in our country and an amendment in the Special Marriage Act has not been able to accomplish so far, can be achieved by a concept which has become part and parcel of every person who happen to be living in this territory which we all refer to as India. 

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How I met my Saalis!

When you are married, and when you happen to be the lucky one (as they say) to have the number of saalis (sister-in-laws) that I have, and on top of that when your wife happens to be a part of a well-knit family and happens to share an amazingly good relationship with each one of them, then you surely got to be on your toes ;).

If you are wondering that I have been hit by the wedding bug, then you are not that wrong, and what can be considered as a rational and natural progression from my last post, it is but natural for me to talk about who other than my saalis. 

This reminds me of the tv show by the name of How I met your mother! and would take the liberty of transforming it just a little bit to title my current post as How I met my Saalis!

It is said in our Indian tradition that the in-laws house for a groom would look all deserted and incomplete if there were no saalis to make the same house look so happening and filled with enthusiasm.

Just imagine, you enter your in-laws house and you find your father-in-law lying on his couch and watching the same old tv soaps with your mother-in-law making all efforts in this world to make you feel comfortable. How dull and boring would it get after a certain point of time and you would feel like running away from the same, not because you don’t respect your in-laws but just because after a while, it gets boring.

To their credit, saalis are the ones who tend to get rid of the boredom and keep the entire house vibrant. Many a times, they tend to belong to the same age group. What can be better than this as you tend to share the same kind of thinking and perceptions about various things in life.

And when they happen to be as talkative as mine are, then you don’t even have to go that extra mile to start any sort of conversation. Before you realize, you already tend to become a part of a conversation, about which you might not have any clue what so ever, yet you find yourself totally engulfed in the chit-chat that ensues thereafter, and surprisingly you enjoy it to the core.

Now coming back to how I happened to meet each one of them, if I remember correctly, the first time I had the fortune of meeting them all was on the day of my engagement. But there was one among them, whom I had met earlier, courtesy one of my visits to Delhi, who happened to introduce each of them to me.'My wife said it was up to me - I could come to her sister's wedding, or go to Vegas with you and the guys. Guess what I chose?'

Little shy, that they looked in first instance, my perception was turned 180 degree round, as I began to interact with them on a more regular basis. 🙂 I will admit that it feels absolutely wonderful when you are being imparted such importance and you feel like the most important person on this planet earth, that might be one of the primary reasons why guys love to visit their in-laws place (taking a clue from one of my chachas (uncles) who in my opinion is really fond of visiting his in-laws place).

It is said that though from times immemorial, it is the sons who have been given more importance, in reality it is the daughters who tend to be more caring, more loving and certainly more supportive of their parents than the sons (which can surely be seen in today’s materialistic and selfish world wherein the sons tend to forget their responsibility of taking care of their parents in their old age, when they need them the most).

It is absolutely wonderful to see all my saalis be so much more responsible and so much more understanding and caring for their parents, than any other typical 21st century guy would. And the credit for such upbringing certainly goes, first to their grandparents and secondly to their parents, who have toiled day-in-day-out just to make sure, that they all get the best from this world and they all are made to grow into responsible and caring individuals, that they certainly are, today.

And when you happen to have so many of them, then you are often asked this question of who’s your favorite? Somehow, you don’t want to be caught up in this dilemma or trilemma etc. depending on the number of saalis that you have, for you don’t want to end up being Arjun from Mahabharata, and you certainly don’t want to go through the same dharam-sankat as he once had to ;).

For my part, I would always want the best for each one of them and would like to wish them all the very best in all the endeavors that they undertake during the course of their lives, and would advise them to keep rocking as they always do ;).

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Finally Married! :D

It is not often that you get a chance to live it again, and when it happens to be India, there is a high probability that you will end up getting to experience the same just once. Well, I am talking about none other than the big fat Indian wedding.

And in this case, the wedding happened to be mine. Somehow, the feeling is yet to sink in that I, of all people, am finally married. I always knew that it would happen some day but never ever had I imagined that it would occur so soon.

Friends tell me that my life is about to take a U-turn, for the best, of course, but no one dares to share their turns and slides that they have experienced since the time they themselves got married 😉 and for those who are yet to get married, are all too excited that they will be going through the same emotions and feelings very soon.

The day before the ceremony took place, all the curious minds, which included the likes of Saty and Baba, who have been such an integral part of my writings, seemed to have shared the same question, “how are you feeling?

There can be various ways of looking at the curiosity. One could be, “Boss! you are doomed.” Second could be a more sarcastic humor, “Wow! New Start! New Wife! New Life!” And another could be, “What to say? It is happening right here, right now. The eventuality has struck”

For those, who don’t seem to concur with all the above three, and by the way, I am a part of the same, could well say that it is one of the most amazing of moments that one can experience during one’s life time. It is the beginning of a new journey accompanied by someone whom you have loved all this while, whom you have admired all through your courtship, whom you have wanted to spend more time with, whose image is so deeply engrossed inside your heart that the moment you close your eyes and begin to imagine about something beautiful that has happened to you, her face is the first thing in the world that seems to strike a chord with your thinking.

No matter, how much you pretend to be a cool dude and act as if you were the last person in the world to have wanted to go down the marriage lane, your heart knows that you were indeed craving to get into this legal live-in relationship. 

No matter, how much you tell your friends that all your freedom will soon be lost, and you would in some ways become a wife’s man, you always wanted to grab that status with both your hands, just because of the love, admiration and respect that you have for your wife.

No matter, how much you crib about your own personal space being taken away by a second person in your life, you always wished and prayed that you may find a partner, your soul mate, who could fill up that personal space with her persona and beauty and love which you have always craved and wished for.

No matter, how much you would want to meet up your friends on a day-to-day basis, you always knew who stood first in your priority list and who would be the first person to deserve your attention when it came to sharing the spare little time that you had.

Trust me guys, it is a wonderful feeling to fall in love and to be loved, especially when the culmination of the same gets explicitly manifested in the form of a ceremony, which we all refer to as the shaadi ka laddoo, in India. 

This one is surely and truly dedicated to my wife with all my heart:

ऐ यार तेरी आशिक़ी ने हमें इतना बदल दिया, 

कि जो कभी बंदिशों का घेरा लगता था, 

वो आज एक हसीन इत्तेफ़ाक़ लगने लगा,

कहने को तो लोग इसे मोहब्बत ही कहते हैं,

पर हमें ये एक खुदा का तोहफा लगने लगा.

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एक कहानी एक टपोरी की ज़बानी Part-1!

Now, this one is a very special one, as it comes straight from the streets of the dream city, Mumbai. It is a true story of a person whom I know very closely and who is still struggling to get in terms with reality. Without going into details, on second thoughts, it won’t be a bad idea to narrate what the person had to tell me when I last visited Mumbai.

“कहते हैं, जब भगवान् छप्पड़ फाड़ के देते हैं, तो बस दे ही देते हैं, और जब वो लेने पे आ जाये, तो फिर तो कोई भी बचा नहीं सकता, बॉस बोले तो वाट लगनी ही बनती है.

समझ नहीं आता कहाँ से शुरू करूं. कुछ साल पहले की बात है, अपुन मस्त बिंदास हुआ करता था. पता नहीं कहाँ से बीड़ू लोगों ने इंटरनेट का चस्खा लगा दिया. फिर क्या था, बोले तो अपुन को इशक़ हो गया. इशक़ तक ही बात रुक जाती, तब तो मामला रफा दफा हो जाता, पर अपनी तो ऊपर वाले ने सोच के लिखी थी, बस अपुन को तो उसी समुन्दर के तेज़ बहाव में बहते रहना बनता था.

एक दिन रोज़ की तरह, अपुन याहू पे चटिया रहा था. तभी अपुन की नज़र एक लड़की की ऑय डी पे पड़ी. बोले तो नाम को पढ़ के अपनी खोपड़ी सन्नाटे में आ गयी. ये तो नहीं पता कि ये उसका सच्चा नाम था या नहीं, पर दिल में एक बार ज़रूर घंटी बजी. सोचा क्या जाता है, एक पार पिंग करके देखना तो बनता है. और बिना कुछ सोचे समझे, दिल की धकड़ने बढ़ाते हुए, अपुन ने मेसेज मार ही दिया.

५ मिनट के बाद भी जब कोई रिप्लाई नहीं आया, तो अपुन ने सोचा, कि अब चलना चाहिए. कि तभी कंप्यूटर की विंडो में डिंग डोंग हुआ. ये उसी लड़की का मेसेज था जिसके नाम ने अपुन के दिल की घंटी बजा रक्खी थी. सोचा क्या यार, अब क्या उखाड़ लेगा, और जाने का टाइम भी हो रहा था, पर कुछ तो बात थी उसके उस डिंग डोंग में, जिसने मुझे उससे चटियाने पे मजबूर कर दिया.

पूरी रात अपुन उसकी हौबीस के बारे में पूछता रहा और वो हर पांच मिनट में अपनी हौबीस के बारे में मुझे बताती रही. टाइम कैसे बीत गया, जब तक इसका अंदाजा होता, तब तक अम्मी दरवाज़े के बहार से उठा रही थी, कि बेटा सुबह हो गयी. अम्मी को क्या पता था कि मेरी रातों की नींद अब उड़ने वाली थी.

बिना सोये अपुन अगले दिन काम पे चला गया. काम में मन तो लगना नहीं था. बस पूरे दिन उसी की  हौबीस के बारे में सोचता रहा, साथ में इंटरनेट पे रिसर्च भी मारी, जिससे रात में जाके उसको इम्प्रेस कर सकूं.

कहते हैं जब किसी चीज़ को पूरी शिद्दत से चाहो तो पूरी कायनात तुम्हे उससे मिलाने में लग जाती है. तो फिर उस रात उसको दोबारा आना ही था. अब बात दिल की घंटी से आगे बढ़ने को बेकरार थी. सोचा मिलने को बोल ही देता हूँ, आखिर अपनी सारी फ़ोटो तो मैं उसको भेज ही चूका था, अब अच्छा लगता हूँ तो मिलेगी ही, ये सोच कर मैंने उससे शाम को मिलने को पूछ ही लिया.tapori

इस बार भी ५ मिनट तक कोई जवाब नहीं आया, और छटे मिनट, उसने लॉग आउट कर दिया. मेरा तो मानो बॉस जैसे दिल ही टूट गया. अपुन ने खुद को खूब कोसा, कि इतना शाना बन्ने की क्या ज़रुरत थी. इसी गम में उस रात भी मैं सो ना सका.

अगले दिन काम पे सोता रहा. बॉस ने भी खूब फटकार लगाई. पर क्या करता, कुछ अच्छा ही नहीं लग रहा था. बस एक और रात का इंतज़ार था, और ये आशा थी कि एक गलती तो माफ़ करना बनता ही था, आखिर मैं उसका चैट फ्रेंड जो था.

और उस रात वो फिर से आयी. अपुन ने ५-६ सॉरी मेसेज उसके चिपका डाले ये सोच कि शायद वो मुझे एक और चांस देगी. फिर ५ मिनट तक कोई रिप्लाई नहीं आया तो मैंने सोचा अब तो बैंड बज गया. इसी सोच में मैं लॉग आउट करने ही वाला था कि तभी उसका मेसेज आया: “सॉरी मैं कल लॉग आउट हो गयी थी, वो कभी कभी लाइट चली जाती है ना, तो बताओ कहाँ मिलना है.

अपुन को तो विश्वास ही नहीं हो रेलिया था, कि अपुन के साथ ऐसा भी हो सकता है. अपुन ने जल्दी से मीटिंग सेट की और अगले दिन काम से छुट्टी ले ली. शाम को अपुन का मिलने का प्रोग्राम सेट था. अम्मी ने जो पिछले जन्मदिन पे शर्ट लायी थी, वही पहन के बिंदास अपुन मिलने को पंहुचा.

वो हरे रंग के सलवार सूट में मेरे सामने खड़ी थी. उसकी ज़ुल्फ़े उसके राईट कान को छूते हुए उसके कंधे पे आ रही थी. मुझे तो बॉस उसको देखते ही प्यार हो गया. सोचा आज ही अपनी अम्मी से निकाह की बात कर लूं. पहले आप पहले आप में गाडी ना निकल जाये, मैंने उसको रेस्टोरेंट में बैठने को बोला. वो शर्मा के अपनी पलके झुकाई मेरे सामने वाली सीट पे बैठ गयी.

आगे क्या होगा ये मुझे भी नहीं पता था, पर जो भी होना था वो लिखा जा चुका था……(to be continued)

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Are you a rational being?

Do you believe that every story has a happy ending? Of course you would want to believe in the same and would want to see every story ending on a pleasing note, yet there are numerous who are not fortunate enough to see the light of the day.

And when it happens to be of a person you tend to know or is an acquaintance, you might wonder, why of all people such a thing had to happen to the very person? After all, wasn’t he a good guy or a girl? What wrong had he/she done to deserve such a fate?

Was it because of his/her karma that he/she might have done in her previous life, if we were to believe in the mythology that is? Was it because he/she didn’t have any other choice but to indulge in that something which would ruin him/her for all his/her life?

Well, if we were to think about what had happened in a retrospective manner, we would try to link up different events and would try to make sense out of things that earlier seemed to be totally unrelated and insignificant.

But does it change anything? Is it possible to go back in the past and redeem what had just ensued? Can we rectify our mistakes and instead of feeling guilty do we all have the luxury to, say, press a button and change everything that might have gone awry?

Not really, what is gone is gone. Nothing on planet that we, as humans, are aware of, can change it. Then, why on earth, even after knowing the above, do we end up doing things or taking decisions that we might have to regret for, all our lives?

Is it because of the manner in which we tend to take our decisions, or does it require too much effort on part of our brains to think about the consequences of our action? Is there something that tends to camouflage our rational thinking when the situation goes bad and we tend to lose all our control? Sci_Am_Robot_vs_Human_Rationality

Has Freud spoken correctly about our Id, which is nothing but our instincts and inner desires which tend to come out of the trap that had been laid by our own ego, which in turn forces us to ignore the morality and the good that we, as humans, are supposed to do and abide by in our day to day lives.

Possibly, yes. But is there a way out? Can we stop committing all the things that we regret for in the future? And if there is, are we aware of the same and are prepared both physically and emotionally to practice the same?

Can someone provide us with a ready-to-use algorithm which we can apply expecting assured results without worrying about whether we will be able to achieve what we desire?

As far as I am concerned, the solution lies in your inner self. If we were to sit down for a while and explore our inner self we would indeed end up finding a solution which would not only be in our own interest but would also enable us to do good for a lot of people around us.

So, there is no need to run after an algorithm or a person who can provide us with such an algorithm. People, who are referred to as godmen (pretty much self-proclaimed) tend to exploit us for every ignorance of ours.

Have we become so irrational so as to be exploited for our naive nature? Where has all the scientific temper and the logical thought process evaporated when it comes to religion or having beliefs which are surely going to harm us, if not now, then definitely in the near future.

Instead of running after happiness, one needs to find happiness in his or her inner self, for that is the only way out of one’s misery and problems that one happens to be encountering in today’s materialistic world, and trust me, no one in this world will be able to provide you with a ready made solution for all your miseries, expect you yourself.

So the idea is to: Think before you Act and not the other way round.

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Arranged Marriage: A Girl’s Perspective

How could have I left the fairer sex out of this whole discussion? Wouldn’t I be labeled very much a male chauvinist if I were to dare even think about such a thing? Moreover, I am, myself a proponent of women empowerment, so going by the standards that I have set for myself, here I am about to present to you what a girl’s take would be on such a topic as this.

Now, for the male perspective, I had someone to bank upon. For the female perspective, after toiling hard for an entire fortnight, I had finally found someone whom I often refer to as Hyde and who was kind enough to offer her opinions. By the way, when a girl speaks, it is better not to interrupt her. So, in this case, no conversation ensued, it was only Hyde talking and me listening to her :).Arranged-marriage-image

You know what, this whole arranged marriage thing is such a crap. Someone will come and see you and then will pass a judgement upon what kind of person you are or what kind of family you have been brought up in. And you are expected to keep mum and listen to whatever the groom’s family has to say about you and your family.

I have been through this on a number of occasions. Sometimes, it is because of the so called legitimate demands citing “rasmein” as a reason and on other occasions, it is because the guy didn’t find me too attractive. Who knows what’s the guy expecting considering that he doesn’t even match up to being a decent looking person and more importantly a decent human being.

The other day, a gentleman, who has just got selected in the Indian Engineering Service happened to visit my parents, along with his family. Upon arrival, even before they have had their snacks, the guy’s father came directly to the point. He started to talk about the marriage market that is prevalent in India and our society and the kind of rates that have been offered for his son in this market. 

He went on and on about the kind of proposals that had come his way and are continuing to pour in. As if this had not yet satisfied his ever growing ego, he went on talking about how his son had been a topper all through and how he had always kept their head held high in society. 

I don’t even want to mention the other crappy things that he said to boost his ego. The fact is that a girl never wants to go in a family where she is supposed to compromise all her individuality. I know, that we are conditioned and socialized to compromise at all times, since our childhood, but even then we would want a husband who can understand the kind of situation that we girls tend to find ourselves in most of the time. 

I am not saying that we are trying to run away from our responsibilities. But with changing times and with more and more girls contributing to the finances of a family, it needs to be understood that responsibilities now need to be shared, in order to ensure that the girl is not overburdened with the same. 

One just needs a heart to understand all that I have said. The problem is that humanity is losing its essence. More than our emotions, it is the profit-making attitude at any cost that is killing the empathy that one needs to have towards another person. Sometimes, I wonder why is it so difficult to place yourself in another person’s shoes to understand what he or she might be going through in that particular situation? Why is it that we have become so self-centred and rigid? Why is it that we tend to ignore the aspects from which we cannot make profits? Why is it that the garb of traditionalism is used to explain certain practices that are rationally wrong and need to be abandoned as a whole?heaven

Trust me, it is much easier to be born a guy in our society. From childhood itself, there are n number of restrictions that we are supposed to abide by just because we happened to be born in a male-dominated society who is all too eager to maintain his power over the fairer sex and use it for their glorification.

Coming back to the marriage issue, somehow I have started believing in the notion that marriages are made somewhere up there. Whether it turns out to be a Hell or a Heaven, that needs to be figured out by the mortals living down here.”

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Arranged Marriage: Guy’s Perspective!

Carrying on with my love for arranged marriage, this one is inspired from none other than a very good friend of mine who has supposedly turned a shayar from a seedha saadha aadmi (what Congress might want to refer to as the aam aadmi) and is in the form of a conversation (more like a one-way conversation) that ensued between him (F) and myself (M) not over a cup of coffee this time but over a bottle of scotch, which is one of the most preferred and obviously not the recommended way of getting rid of that hesitation that makes you worry about what the other person sitting in front of you might think about your credentials and pass judgement based on his perception of what kind of person you are. (Mind you, all this conversation ensued when was five pegs down)AM

Yaar, I feel very blessed these days. After all I am getting married. I have never experienced such a thing before. Guess, what I think and I believe that I am in love.”—F

“Hmmmmmmmm :)”—-M

“But I don’t know why the hell this world and all my friends are after me trying to figure out what big a deal is it to get married. It was only yesterday that Mr. gave me a call. He sounded more surprised than happy to hear about my marriage. Seeing me all too excited, the first thing he mentioned was why I am getting so impatient and irrationally happy. My reply was, isn’t it obvious for a guy who had been waiting for it to happen for so long and had undergone what can truly be referred to as a mental trauma in trying to figure out the best match for himself.”—F

Hmm, absolutely. And it is good to be happy. Right!”—M

Ya, that was what I was trying to explain to him. But his version was that there is no need to change oneself for anyone. What crap! It is bound to have some kind of impact on my life in a positive way that is. You know what the problem is, all these ghochoos use to make fun of me in college that no girl would ever become my girlfriend and that they would certainly get married before me. Now the tables have turned and they are not able to digest the fact that the yesteryear ghochoo has now become today’s bond. Ego, you see, is a sure killer. Even Sigmund Freud wouldn’t have imagined, how fatal these egos can be!”—F

And he continued:

It is not that I want bad for them. But at least they should be happy that their ghochoo has become a bond. What’s the problem in accepting a simple fact that everyone has a bond hidden somewhere inside him. It is up to that individual to bring out that bond in himself and prove to the world that no ghochoo is a born ghochoo and no bond is a born bond. It is how shared and non-shared environment act upon an individual to give him a personality through which he is recognized in this world apart from the Genes that one is happy or sad to inherit from his parents. Why I say, sad, is that at times people are not too happy with the kind of genes they got as a consequence of being born in a family over which they don’t seem to have any control. But then too, I feel they should feel happy that at least they were born a human and not a filthy creature for which there is always a possibility if we were to accept what the Hindu mythology tells us all.”—F

And there he was in no mood to halt.

You know, I was rejected by four girls. Yes, I know I am not that good looking. I know, I am not that smart when it comes to speaking my mind out. I know, I am not that happening and modern like the urbane guys. But I am a good individual :(.”—-F

And then there was silence, only to be broken again by none other than F.

You see, it is not only the girls who have to go through all the shitty things before they end up getting married. It is also the guys who, at times, have to go through a lot more than what can ever be imagined in this man-dominated society we seem to be living in. Trust me, it is not so easy to get married. It is only when your parents are fully convinced about the girl’s and the girl’s family’s credentials that you are made to meet the girl. Then too, you don’t know what you are going to talk to the girl and how on earth would it be possible for you to figure out whether the girl will supposedly meet all the expectations that your family has from her. And if at all, you trust your judgement and go ahead with your decision, then too you are blamed for your lack of judgement and stupidity in case some thing bad happens.”—-F

He was too drunk and he kept speaking.

And that’s what exactly happened in the previous case. You know, I was engaged before this, right. Everything was good and then one fine morning, this girl calls me to inform that she is calling off the marriage and the reason she gave was that she hadn’t told me before about her boyfriend who had now agreed to marry her. It’s so ridiculous, at the same time funny, where these girls consider it as a joke and a game of poker where in they want to and get to chose the best available alternate.”—-F

There was silence again for a second time. And then he finally opened up.

Dude, I have no grudges against anyone. You see, what is in destiny is bound to happen, no matter whether anyone wants or not; no matter whether your friends call you ghochoo or bond; no matter whether there are numerous hurdles that need to be crossed over before you reach your final goal and no matter whether you are rejected by a couple more girls. Now, tell me who is a ghochoo?:)”—Fom-shanti-om

And then he spoke no more. He was too drunk to speak and had fallen asleep.

As I got up to clear the left overs, it reminded me of a dialogue from a movie which goes something like this, अंत तक सब कुछ ठीक ही हो जाता है, और अगर ना हो तो पिक्चर अभी बाकी है मेरे दोस्त”.

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Being a Parent to your Child!

It seems like ages have gone by and here I am once again returning back to something that I so love doing. It is not that I didn’t have ideas to deliberate upon or think upon. Neither was it a lack of love towards what I generally call my hobby, though for some it might be a matter of bread and butter.

It might sound a cliche that for the past couple of days had just flown by without me realizing that it had been a while before I have had the opportunity to log on to my blog and look at what’s going on in the same. How often have you guys have had the same kind of experience of time just running away and you trying to catch up with the speed with which it seems to outrun you on every occasion?

It is very much like a cat and mouse game, similar to what we have seen in Tom and Jerry, where we know what’s going to be the outcome of the chase, yet we end up indulging in the same, for the want of the very activity that seems to propel us forward every time we think about the same.priority4

Somehow, I have realized that it is nearly impossible to do everything in the world that you might want to do or accomplish in life. Thinking about the to-do list that you might have prepared for yourself might give you jitters and might even end up giving you high BP and lot of stress.

I guess that’s why the entire concept of priority came into being. By putting all the content that you might have gathered in your to-do list and re-organizing it into a priority list might help you become more focus at the same time, make sure that you put all your efforts and energy into that one particular aim that you happen to find at the top of your priority list, rather than wondering about how you will be able to accomplish the rest of the things mentioned in your to-do list.

And by slowly moving towards the other items taking each one at a time, having successfully accomplished the first, not only gives you more confidence and motivation but also helps you overcome the stress associated with the thought process which always leaves that 1% chance of what if I am unable to accomplish what I had initially set for?

Isn’t it always good to be working without too much pressure on your shoulders? Which brings us to a point where parents in today’s world are expecting a lot of things from their kids. I often see kids with big bags on their shoulders going to tuition and coaching right after their school and ending up getting exhausted, just because their parents want them to outperform their best friend’s son or daughter, giving very little importance to what the kid might be interested in doing.hitting child

I know it is easier said than done and every parent wants their kid to reach the top of the ladder, but the thing that needs to be deliberated upon and argued is whether the parents are adopting the right approach when they end up forcing their child to do something which he or she might be totally averse to.

The other day, parents of a 16 year old, happened to visit, thinking that I might be able to help them with their so called self-perceived problem that their child happened to be facing.

After the initial introduction, the parents started talking about what all their child was doing wrong and the bad habits that their child had developed over time.

You see, he doesn’t listen to us. He is always into video games. I don’t know what to do with him. He has lost all his focus. He doesn’t even understand how his future is shaping up. If he continues to do so, how will he able to get through IITs.”—–Parents 

After having spoken for another 10-15 minutes, they finally took a deep breath, waiting for me to give them the magic wand that they believed would change their child’s future.

I am glad that you are concerned about your child. Very few parents, in today’s busy World are concerned about their kids. Many a times, they are found busy enjoying with their respective colleagues and friends. But Mr. X, have you ever spoken to your child about what you think would be good for him? Have you ever tried to understand what all things he might be going through in his school or coaching? 

Have you ever talked to your son about what he might want to do with his life? Mr. X, these are things that we as parents tend to forget about. Remember the days, when you yourself was a kid and how you would do things that your parents wouldn’t approve off, at times even indulging in things like smoking or drinking. Now, since you have become parents, you have stopped thinking like what it is like to be a child.

I am sure, Mr. X, that you want the best for your child, but then have you ever thought about his ambitions and his aim in life, what he might want to become or what aspirations he might have for himself. Mr. X, I have seen kids go into depression and indulge in unwanted activities like doing drugs etc, just because they are not able to convince their own parents that they are different from other children and need their own space and time to develop and grow into productive individuals in society, just because they don’t trust their parents to understand what they have to offer to them. 

More often than not, it is we parents who end up on the wrong side of the table not being able to understand and give support to our son’s or daughter’s wishes and ambitions. I am not saying that they are right in whatever they might be thinking, but then isn’t it better to discuss with them why some things are good and why some are not. That’s where, you as a parent, have to chip in with your advice and opinions that you have gathered over a huge span of time and the kind of experience that you have gained over your lifetime. After all your hair have not grown grey just like that :). 

Mr. X, isn’t it better to develop that faith and trust in your child towards you that no matter what happens to him, you will always be there to provide him with that unconditional support that he so deserves for being your child. Think of the times, when you craved for a son, and when he is there with you, you are not appreciating to the fullest the fact that you have been bestowed with a gift that you had so craved for. 

Mr. X, be gentle with him. Discuss his problems like a friend without being too judgmental about his opinions and views, even though they might be wrong. Listen to what he has to say to you, and if you think that there is something wrong in his thought process, then try to tell him things that you think are right at the same time giving reasons and concrete examples on why you think it as the right opinion or point of view in an extremely polite and gentle manner. 

I am sure, Mr. X, that this will go a long way in you developing a rapport with him, just like you have always wished for and your efforts will certainly pay off sometime in the near future.parent-child-relationship

We chatted for some more time, after which, the parents took my leave. Though I had spoken my heart out and had tried convincing them of the virtues of being an understanding parent, I wonder when that time would come when all the parents in this world would begin to accept their child in the manner he or she is, without making any comparison with the kid-next-door, without worrying about whether the kid will be successful in keeping the family’s flag flying high, without expecting too much from him or her and loving him or her unconditionally for what he or she is.

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Thank you माँ !

कहते हैं कि एक माँ ही अपने बच्चे को खुद से ज्यादा प्यार कर पाती है और दुनिया में ऐसा कोई और रिश्ता नहीं जो ऐसा प्यार कर सके भले ही वो एक प्रेमी का अपनी प्रेमिका के लिए हो या फिर एक पिता का अपने बच्चों के लिए.

जब हम छोटे होते हैं तो माँ ही हमारे पीछे भाग भाग कर हमें खाना खिलाती है. हमारी सारी उलटी सीधी फर्मायेशों को पूरा करने का हर प्रयास करती है. हमें चोट लगती है तो सबसे ज्यादा दर्द माँ को ही होता है. हमारी तबियत खराब होती है तो माँ ही रात रात भर जाग कर हमारे पास बैठी रहती है.

माँ ही बिना कुछ कहे हमारे मन की सारी बातें एक पल में समझ जाती है. पूरी निष्ठां और पूरे समर्पण से माँ हमारे लिए वो सब कर जाती है जो एक आम मनुष्य करने की सोच भी नहीं सकता और अगर सोच भी ले तो उसको पूरा नहीं कर सकता.

बहुत से मनोवैज्ञानिक कहते हैं कि ये सब करना हमारे समाज में सम्मान पाने का माओं के लिए एक साधन है. अगर वो ऐसा ना करें तो उन्हें इस समाज में प्रतिष्ठा और इज्जत नहीं मिलेगी जितना उन्हें ये सब कर के मिलती है.

पहले तो मैं ऐसे तर्क से इत्तेफाक नहीं रखता और एक पल को मान भी लें कि ये मनोवैज्ञानिक सच कह रहे हैं तो भी ऐसा कर पाना इतना कठिन है कि इसके पीछे कोई भी कारण हो वो सम्मानजनक और पूजनीय ही हो सकता है.

इसलिए जब भी हमारे मन में अपनी माँ के प्रति ऐसा कोई भाव आये या हमें ऐसा लगे कि हम आत्मनिर्भर हैं तो हमें यही सोच लेना चाहिए कि आज जो कुछ भी हम हैं वो सिर्फ और सिर्फ अपनी माँ की वजह से ही हैं.

कहते हैं जो वास्तु हमें बहुत आसानी से प्राप्त हो जाती है उसकी हमें क़द्र नहीं होती. माँ हमारे जीवन में एक ऐसी महत्त्वपूर्ण इंसान हैं, जिनके बिना हमारा कुछ कर पाना तो दूर की बात, अगर वो नहीं होती तो हम सांस भी नहीं ले पा रहे होते.

हाँ ये बात अलग है कि एक माँ कभी भी अपने बच्चों पे एहसान या हक़ नहीं जमाती ये कह के कि मैंने तुम्हारे लिए कितना किया. इसीलिए शायद कभी कभी हमारे अंदर का इंसान अपनी इंसानियत भूल जाता है.

और हम उसी माँ के बुढ़ापे का सहारा बन्ने के बजाये उसे ऐसे मौके पे अकेला छोड़ के अपने निजी सपनो को पूरा करने में लग जाते हैं. हम ये भूल जाते हैं कि हमारे उन्ही सपनो का निर्माण हमारी माँ ने ही किया था. और अगर वो ऐसा नहीं करती तो न हम होते और न हमारे ये सपने.

मुझे नहीं पता कि भगवान् हैं या नहीं. मुझे नहीं पता कि हम इस ज़िन्दगी को जीने के पश्चात किस रूप में कहाँ और क्या कर रहे होंगे. मुझे नहीं पता कि हम फिर से मनुष्य योनी में जन्म लेंगे या नहीं. मुझे नहीं पता कि इस संसार में आने का क्या लक्ष्य है.mother-child

पर मुझे ये ज़रूर पता है कि हमें अपने माता पिता का पूरी श्रधा और पूरे सम्मान और आदर के साथ ख्याल रखना चाहिए, केवल इसलिए नहीं कि उन्होंने हमारे लिए ये सब किया पर इसलिए भी क्योंकि उन्ही से हमारा अस्तित्व है और उन्ही से हमारी सफलता या असफलता.

After reading what I have just written some would be compelled to believe that today is the mother’s day. But even if it is not, I believe there is not a single day that goes by when you
cannot but thank your mother for whatever she has done for you and continues to do so without any expectation what so ever.

Such great and high is her stature that nothing else in the World can match up to the dedication and sincerity that a mother has for her kid. Even a father cannot replicate the same kind of love and affection that a mother has for her child.

That’s why it is said, एक माँ का स्थान इश्वर से भी ऊचा होता है. Today, through thishumble post of mine, I want to give a tribute to all the mothers out there who toil in selflessly day-in-day-out just to make sure that their kids and family get all the happiness in this

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