Seriously?

Let me ask you a very simple question: what do you think is the root cause of all our issues?

Is it the lack of awareness of our hidden self as Freud puts it, or is it the irrational way in which we were conditioned all our lives, as many behavioral psychologists would vouch for?

If we were to make it simple enough, is it our inability to accept ourselves in full or part or is it the perception of others that tend to haunt us?

Is it the lack of EQ (Emotional Quotient) or is it lack of IQ as many of us would want to label it as?

On the hindsight, have you ever wondered, how much you want people to consider what you say seriously, have you ever wished that your bf/gf would take you seriously and in good regard?

images

If at all, this was to happen, what in your opinion it would be, good or bad?

Most of us would consider it as the best thing that could have possibly happened to you in your life, right?

Though, on second thoughts, it might be the worse that could ever happen to you, for it’s not about how serious your life ends up becoming, but how light you can possibly make it, by not taking things too seriously.

After all, for your own good, nothing is serious enough to be taken seriously!

Source for the Image: https://twitter.com/seriouslive

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Patte Mat Kholiyo!

There is this guy who is trying to get married these days. Believing that he doesn’t have a copyright over his so called philosophy of sorts for things ranging from getting married to behaving in a certain manner in his professional life, I am taking this liberty of borrowing his philosophy and concepts to explain, at the same time understand what he really means when he says “main apne patte kabhi bhi nahi kholta” ;).

To understand what he really means by this, let me cite a few situations, along with the actions taken by him:

Situation No. 1: A friend calls and asks him: “are you going home this weekend?” to which he neither replies in the affirmative or negative but just says that he might go the week after. On being asked, why he didn’t give a straight answer in a yes or a no, he is more than happy to reveal the strategy behind his answer. He says that if he tells his friend that he would go this weekend and if he doesn’t happen to go, then the friend would think that he had lied. And if he goes after having told his friend that he won’t go, then if the friend comes to know about the same, his friend would again feel upset about the same. So, instead of giving a straightforward answer, he choses not to and he refers to this strategy as patte nahi kholna.conversation

Situation No. 2: The girl’s father, who had come to meet him, asks him whether he drinks, to which he replies that he is a vegetarian. By answering in such a manner, he ensures two things. One is that he is able to change the topic of conversation. Secondly, the girl’s father having heard that the guy is a vegetarian perceives him to be a person who doesn’t drink. By this he ensures that the girl’s father doesn’t come to know about his drinking habits, in case he drinks, and in turn considers him a good guy (which makes me wonder how our society is good at stereotyping people and putting them into good and bad categories based on their so called good and bad habits). Once again, he manages to keep himself in good regard at the same time ensures that he doesn’t open his cards (patte).11118567

From the couple of situations that I have cited above, it is clear that he is thinking about a lot of permutations and combinations before saying anything. His brain must be really efficient considering the fact that it does so many computations and is able to take care of the numerous thought processes that seem to be going on in his mind at one point of time (which makes me wonder that he might be using at least 10% of his brains that he has, more than what Mr. Einstein might have used during his times).

On one hand where he manages to keep all the problems at an arm’s length, on the other hand he is able to emerge a successful person in our so called practical society. But one thing that I keep wondering about and am quite perplexed about is how difficult it might be for a person to keep applying his mind to things that, if you chose to behave in a straightforward manner, you might not have to do the same.

On second thoughts, when I look at things happening around myself, I sometimes wonder whether what he does might be the right way of leading one’s life and the most appropriate manner in which one can handle situations arising in one’s life.

I just wonder whether patte mat kholo philosophy should be adopted by all. What say? I guess the answer to this should be customized according to one’s own sweet will and the happiness that comes along as a part and parcel of being attached to this free will.

As long as you are not inflicting any harm on any other person and as long as it is not adopted with any bad intention in mind, it might be ok for those who chose to lead their life going by the doctrines of this philosophy.

As far as I am concerned, I find it easier to be straight forward, which at times, can and does have bad consequences for me. After all it is a trade-off. With any thing and any decision that you make, comes along the pros and cons.

At the end of the day, the onus lies upon you to decide for yourself, as to what’s best for you.

 

The Chulli Effect!

What a night it is turning out to be! I haven’t slept. It’s already 5:15 a.m. in the morning. Good food, great friends and some awesome bulla (talks), what more does one need in life? 😉

It is quite amazing and entertaining at the same time, that we don’t get tired of talking about our college days and the events ensued in there again and again with similar passion that we possessed when we talked about the same for the first time.

And today, we happened to be talking about a phenomenon which I would like to call the chulli effect. When you enter college, you don’t tend to have a maturity level which would allow you to understand various aspects of life, which can be easily comprehended, say 2-3 years down the line, after having graduated from the same.

To my surprise, this phenomenon was not only known to everyone in college but was also used strategically at times. Now, let me first define the phenomenon for you. Only then you will be able to appreciate whatever I am talking.

Suppose, someone tells you a well kept secret of his/her life and requests you not to tell it to anyone else. You agree to the same, but there is this uneasiness and restlessness both inside you and the person who told you the secret, which forces you to tell it to anyone and everyone whom you possibly can and forces the person who told you the secret to tell it to you. Such kind of arousal inside a person is what I call the chulli effect.urge

There are two stakeholders to this contract. The one who tells a secret, who cannot help himself/herself from revealing the truth as it is too much for him/her to handle and keep it inside him/her. The second stakeholder is the person who promises that he/she won’t tell it to anyone.

Strange as it might sound, a secret remains a secret only when it is known to you. The moment you tell a second person about the same, rest assured that it will be known to every significant and insignificant person in your life. So, think twice before you tell a secret to anyone in the World.

How many times have we heard what I have just mentioned in the previous couple of lines? I guess, innumerous number of times and yet we are unable to prevent this urge from surfacing in our life.

Without going into the psychology as to why we are not successful at keeping this urge (chulli) in check, I would like to tell you about this effect which was used strategically by some in college in such a subtle manner that you would only realize it when it has happened to you twice or thrice.

There used to be some real smart guys and girls in our college. Before telling you about such guys, let me ask you this simple question. If you have to tell something to others and you want to make it a propaganda of sorts, then what would you normally do?

I guess, you would go to the persons you want them to know about this and tell them straightaway. But what these witty and smart guys used to do was that they would go to one person with the strongest urge on planet Earth and would reveal their well kept secret to this guy/girl. Before leaving they would request this guy/girl not to tell it to anyone.

The moment that information was received by the guy/girl with the most amount of chulli, it used to spread like a virus in the entire campus, thereby spreading the word around and ensuring that these witty guys achieved what they wanted at the end of the day, and which was to spread the word around about a well kept secret. (sometimes I wonder whether the term viral marketing has had its origins in this chulli effect concept)

As a result, these witty guys would use this chulli concept in order to create a buzz in the campus. What their intentions might be behind doing the same is a different issue altogether and can be talked about separately 😉 .

But the crux of the matter lies in utilization of this phenomenon to one’s advantage. I guess these witty guys are the ones, who have tasted success the most, particularly in the private sector.

Why they have been so successful is quite obvious, considering that they have been real street smart throughout their entire lives. They have understood the concept better than most of the others and have been able to put it into practice, thereby reaping the benefits of their sowed comprehension.

So, the question that comes to mind after reading all the above is, have these street smart and witty people been able to overcome their chulli in life? Well, if they had they wouldn’t be telling their well kept secret to anyone for that matter. But they do tell and ensure that they use this phenomenon to the best of their capability at the same time ensuring that it works in their favour.

These people have conquered the art of using this urge (chulli) so perfectly that it has become very much a part of their lives. No doubt, they have turned out to be successful, but what about the credibility of the same person, in case the others come to know about the strategy that he/she might have been using all through in his/her life in order to meet his/her ends.

On second thoughts, some might be tempted to suggest that the chulli effect can be used in a positive manner as well. It all depends on what your aim is and what you intend to achieve by using this phenomenon.repentance

Very true, indeed! There are always two aspects of the same thing. One aspect motivates and enables you to chose the so called right/moral path. The other one, which is often easier than the first, tells you about what all you can achieve by behaving in a notorious manner and in turn makes you lose control of yourself.

As a result, one ends up indulging in things which one might repent for, sometime later in life. So, before you try to use this phenomenon, think twice about the intentions and aim behind using the same and the consequences that might follow such an action.

At the end of the day, it is you, who will be sole decision maker when it comes to making the right choices in your life and you better be upto it, for you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with a lot of repentance.

Source for Image: http://www.blogussion.com/community/urge-community-response/, http://www.gaychristian101.com/Repentance.html

Turning into a Cow?

Sometimes I wonder whether we all are turning into cows eyeing at all times the grass on the other side. Why is it that some people develop this habit of seeing the others doing very well in their lives and repenting the fact that they are being left behind in this rat race?

Why the hell do we have to define success everytime in relative terms? Why do we have to compare ourselves with others, at the same time why others end up comparing us to the other significant people around us?

When I was a kid, I never used to believe in the saying: the grass is always greener on the other side. But during this biological period of me becoming an adult, the saying seemed to become truer and truer.

During this journey, I encountered more and more people who would sit for hours repenting on the fact that if they would have done some things differently then their lives would have been something else.

At the same time, they would feel jealous and envy those who ended up doing things differently and thereby becoming more successful.

Somehow, we have got used to giving excuses, at the same time making sure that its not only us who pity us but also the people around us who join us in this tirade.

The question that needs to be asked is whether we are all turning out into cows vying for the grass from other’s garden?

Source for Image: http://web.wapday.com/

Life!

Do you remember the famous dialogue from 3 Idiots: “Life is a race…”. Have you ever wondered about this whole period in which we are supposedly giving effect to our consciousness and the decisions made by our consciousness, which by the way we all call life.

In my quest to have a better understanding of the phenomenon, I decided to analyze the life cycle that is common to most of us. It all starts when we decide to jump into the arena called World.

Soon after, we are well taken care of by our parents/guardians. By the time we realize that we are capable of taking our own decisions we have already spent around 14 to 15 years of our lives.

What follows after is a plethora of profession oriented activities that we need to take if we desire to have a luxurious life style.

By the time we are so called settled in our lives by getting married and by having a family of our own, we try to prepare ourselves for living our childhood once again through the eyes of our sons or daughters.

Before we can realize and by the time our children settle down in their own lives, we are already 60 or so and thereafter become engrossed in our preparation to meet the Almighty.

Strange as it might sound, the entire cycle is pretty much the same for most of us. Those who are able to accomplish the various goals intended to be fuflilled (based on the societal standards and norms for different stages of life) are so called successful and those who aren’t are left to repent for the very fact that they failed in their lives.

Whatever might be the state of affairs that we get involved in during our lifetimes, one thing is for sure that life has always and will continue to fascinate us beyond the very meaning of fascination itself.

Source for Image: http://thedeenshow.com/

Being Popular: fb

How often is it that when we are totally vella (nothing to do) we end up browsing on the site that has for sure changed our lives (facebook)!

Yesterday was one such day for one of my dearest of friends. Strange, as it might sound, my friend decided to get a feel of his popularity on the same site (which can be quite a dangerous thing to do and indeed can have disastrous consequences 🙂  )and which is believed to be an indication of how social a person is and how much is the person being followed or admired on the same platform (guess that’s why so many superstars of our film industry have a presence here).

The results that followed indeed were disastrous. In spite of him tracking the number of responses, to his surprise he didn’t receive even a single comment for the whole day. After having gone through this miserable of experiences, he felt the urgent need to talk to someone.

So, he decided to give me a call.The conversation that followed is very much a representation of the philosophy and psychology behind the phenomenon which we all call facebook (coupled with the fact that the guy that I am talking about is very much a popular guy amongst his friends and at the same time, he is a big nautanki ;)):

Dude! You know what happened today. I have been dumped by the society as a whole.”–Friend

What happened? Why are you sounding so depressed”–Me

Yaar, I didn’t even get a single response for a thing that I posted this very morning on facebook. Don’t I deserve at least one person taking note of what’s happening in my life and that too inspite of the elaborate friend list that I have.”–Friend

Hmm! May be they didn’t have time today to come on fb or may be they didn’t notice your posting or may be they had several notifications. It’s not such a big deal and of course in no way representative of society dumping you. Stop being dramatic.”–Me

No Yaar! Seriously! This incident has changed my perception completely. It is a fake world. I hate facebook, which is nothing but an illusion. Now I won’t ever login on the same.”–Friend

Ok! But don’t you remember having told me about the wonderful experience that you were having on facebook by interacting with a number of girls on the same, a couple of days back? Suddenly, fb has turned fake and seem like an illusion, haan?”–Me

Ya, I remember, but it’s not the same anymore. See, it all starts with a liking, then it becomes boring and then you think of dumping the same. Don’t you think its like having a relationship?”–Friend

Truly, it is in all senses a means to have and maintain communication amongst friends and relatives. And by the way, nothing remains constant for ever. So, tomorrow, you might come to me again and tell me about the wonderful opportunity that this platform provides you for flirting around wih girls. Isn’t it?”–Me

Ya, might be! By the way let’s get out of the virtual world. What are you planning for dinner?”–Friend

And soon we eneded up having dinner together. He had forgotten all his facebook woes by then, and around 11 p.m. we bid good night in order to throw ourselves on the beds in the cosy ambience provided by our respective houses in order to end a tiring working day.

Hardly, an hour had passed by, when I received a call from the same fb tourtured gentleman.

Dude, I have got 33 replies for my post, and guess what! 20 of these are from girls:). Isn’t it incredible?”–Friend

Indeed it is. Enjoy your fb session buddy. Good night!”–Me

And this is how it all ended.Three cheers to this phenomenon: Facebook 🙂

Source for Image: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/facebook/9035396/Facebook-worth-1.1bn-to-UK-economy.html, http://www.benzinga.com/general/entrepreneurship/12/02/2313758/dont-buy-into-the-facebook-ipo-hype

The Counsellor

A couple of days back I had visited one of my friends who had held a get together of sorts in one of the famous hotels in my city. Well, to be precise he was getting married 🙂 . After I have had a couple of drinks, a lady dressed in a black gown came over to me and said–“Are you a marriage counsellor?”

“Not really! Why, do I look like one?”–I was bemused at the very nature of the question, at the same time curious as to where this had come from.

Actually, your friend told me that you are a counsellor and write in some newspaper.”–she tried explaining.

Ya, I have been writing for a newspaper, but that writing doesn’t come close to being a marriage counsel.”–I just wanted to add that it is extremely difficult to provide counselling in case of marriage for its next to impossible to figure out what’s going on in a girl’s mind ;), but I thought of not adding the same just because of the sheer festivity surrounding the occasion.

Even though, I had nothing to do with the term, I started wondering about the complexities involved in the very nature of a job of a counsellor, especially a marriage counsellor whose aim is to sort out any differences and issues that might have arisen in a relationship.

Ranging from understanding the real cause of the problem to figuring out a solution, coupled with all the analysis and effort that goes behind figuring out the various variables responsible for the problem is a hell of a job.

Without going into the details of how a marriage counsellor would tackle a problem, the most important thing in a relationship is mental preparation on the part of the two individuals who are going to enter a relationship and the acceptance of a fact that their lives is going to change.

What they need to realize is that differences are bound to arise but those differences shouldn’t be allowed to develop into conflicts, which require some kind of understanding and patience coupled with a compromising nature on part of both the parties to the contract (after all marriage is nothing but a social contract, at least in legal terms).

If both are able to do just the above, everything should turn out to be just fine.

Source for Image: http://career.fullorissa.com/career-counselling-starting-soon/

Such an Inspiration

Aamir Khan is surely an inspiration but I am not referring to him this time around. I am talking about the people whom he invited in his show this morning.

With the kind of adversities and challenges they have faced in their lives, it is extremely hard to maintain the same kind of positive outlook towards the same. I am sure it would have been much easier, if they would have opted for a path that most of us, in the same situation, would have, and that is to bow down in front of our destinies.

Truly and in all senses of the word, they have emerged well over and above what they were destined to be and have indeed defied the very meaning of the term.

It was heartening and really inspirational to see the way in which they chose to lead their lives. With no remorse whatsoever, they chose to lead a life as every other so called normal human being would.

They refuse to be treated any differently and want to vouch for their rights which their country had promised to them since the time of inception of our Constitution.

Now, it is upto us as citizens and our government to give them their due which they have been depreived of since decades and we must make sure that we don’t fail in our duties.

Always remember that our attitudes and our behaviour towards them can do wonders for such people.

Source for Image:http://www.instablogs.com/entry/a-disability-or-a-difability/

DWDD

How many times have you got up remembering a dream? Well, scientifically speaking, if you happen to get up during the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) stage, which by the way constitutes one of the four stages that occur during our sleep, then there is a high probability that you might remember the incidents occuring during your dream.

If you are thinking why suddenly I am talking about a thing that seems to be in no sync with the title of the post, then I am sure you will soon realize the mystery behind the same as soon as you finish reading this article.

I too had a dream this very morning. Strange, as it might sound, I have enough evidence and logic going behind me calling it a destined dream. So far so good.

But whenever I try defining the term destiny, I get perplexed by the very nature of the philosophical interpretation of the word. As I was about to get caught up in my unrelenting curious nature’s desire to search for a meaning of the word, I was thankfully saved by a simple assertion that was thrown at me by, I am sure, someone sitting up there.

In all senses of the meaning that the following lines are trying to depict, I have never read such a simple and practical description of the ever baffling concept of destiny. Read it, understand it, believe in it and then salute the great man, who took great pains in simplifying the concept for all of us:

You are what your deep driving desire is; As your desire is, so is your will; As your will is, so is your deed; As your deed is, so is your destiny.”

And if you are still wondering as to why I named it DWDD,

D=Desire–>W=Will–> D=Deed–>D=Destiny

Source for Image: http://www.brushesroom.com/Brushes/201110/Destiny-Brushes-by-Axeraider70-104.html

Indian Women: The Need for a Positive Self Image

A recent survey on women have come out with a discovery that we as Indians shouldn’t be proud of at all. The findings state that Indian women are the most stressful amongst all the women worldwide.

Does this reflect somewhat on the gender structure of our society? Is it because of the expectations that Indian women need to fulfil, first as daughters and wives and later as mothers and grandmothers? Is it because of the enormous pressures that are put on girls regarding what to do and what not to do?

Whatever might be the reason, we certainly need to rectify this. In my opinion, the most unhappy are the women who try their best to meet the expectations of the males in their lives but are unable to do so and are criticized and ridiculed for the same from their better halves (I wonder whether I should change this to bad halves). Comeon Males! Stop demanding so much. Let them live their lives in their own way without being given instructions.

Secondly, women should understand that at the end of the day, its their lives, and they need to make the best use of it. The first thing they can do is to have a positive self image which will help them in increasing their confidence levels. They need to remind themselves of all the positives that they bring into their families and work places, instead of wondering about what they were unable to bring.

Some people would want to question the logic of giving independence to them (as if they are the saviours). They would want to argue that they have seen girls living independently, yet feeling the same kind of stress as their counterparts who are living under the bindings of their families. They would in turn like to question: Is it possible for women to live stress free life when it comes to being completely immune to the pressures of our society?

My answer to that would be: of course not! No one can be immune to the societal pressures. Even men face these pressures (though of different kinds at times). But one thing that can certainly reduce the stress for women and that is to have a positive self image about themselves.

Source for Image: http://artsytime.com/top-10-hottest-cartoon-characters/