Taken for a Ride?

The moment we all hear the phrase, “taken for a ride”, a negative image of some incident, more often than not, comes to our mind, where we find ourselves living the same and developing negative emotions because of who so ever or what so ever caused us to be taken for a ride.

We tend to think, how stupid in time we were, how bad the world was, or for that matter, how could one not see something coming, trying to calm ourselves at the same time, that is was an anomaly in the entire scheme of things that we happen to go through each day of our lives and that we are too intellectual to have been taken for a ride.

We go on to convince ourselves of the goodness in ourselves, which enabled us to bring out qualities like trust, faith etc etc and which made us believe what was on offer. Having said the above, taken for a ride, doesn’t necessarily mean bad things.

images

After all, when we were kids, our parents also took us for a ride ;), by making us eat all the nutritious food that we were supposed to consume at that point of time in our lives.

Our teachers, by hook or crook, made us learn the valuable lessons, which made us a better individual (supposedly ;)).

Our siblings, who taught us the very essence of togetherness and love, our friends who made us understand, what the dynamics of a society was.

As we grow old, we somehow tend to start having interpretations and perceptions which tend to swing towards the negative side of things.

We forget that our mind, which was supposed to see the positive side, has got conditioned into a dreaded monster of sorts, where we have developed a tendency to burn ourselves in the wrath of our perceptions and negative emotions and thoughts evolving out of the same.

What’s needed is for you to revisit your your younger self, and start enjoying the very nature that taken for a ride was supposed to bring to you.

The only thing you need to convince yourself, per say, is that after all taken for a ride was how it was supposed to be, if it were not so, you would not be, who you are meant to be :).

Source for the Image: https://www.youtube.com/user/RIDEChannel

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Are you a rational being?

Do you believe that every story has a happy ending? Of course you would want to believe in the same and would want to see every story ending on a pleasing note, yet there are numerous who are not fortunate enough to see the light of the day.

And when it happens to be of a person you tend to know or is an acquaintance, you might wonder, why of all people such a thing had to happen to the very person? After all, wasn’t he a good guy or a girl? What wrong had he/she done to deserve such a fate?

Was it because of his/her karma that he/she might have done in her previous life, if we were to believe in the mythology that is? Was it because he/she didn’t have any other choice but to indulge in that something which would ruin him/her for all his/her life?

Well, if we were to think about what had happened in a retrospective manner, we would try to link up different events and would try to make sense out of things that earlier seemed to be totally unrelated and insignificant.

But does it change anything? Is it possible to go back in the past and redeem what had just ensued? Can we rectify our mistakes and instead of feeling guilty do we all have the luxury to, say, press a button and change everything that might have gone awry?

Not really, what is gone is gone. Nothing on planet that we, as humans, are aware of, can change it. Then, why on earth, even after knowing the above, do we end up doing things or taking decisions that we might have to regret for, all our lives?

Is it because of the manner in which we tend to take our decisions, or does it require too much effort on part of our brains to think about the consequences of our action? Is there something that tends to camouflage our rational thinking when the situation goes bad and we tend to lose all our control? Sci_Am_Robot_vs_Human_Rationality

Has Freud spoken correctly about our Id, which is nothing but our instincts and inner desires which tend to come out of the trap that had been laid by our own ego, which in turn forces us to ignore the morality and the good that we, as humans, are supposed to do and abide by in our day to day lives.

Possibly, yes. But is there a way out? Can we stop committing all the things that we regret for in the future? And if there is, are we aware of the same and are prepared both physically and emotionally to practice the same?

Can someone provide us with a ready-to-use algorithm which we can apply expecting assured results without worrying about whether we will be able to achieve what we desire?

As far as I am concerned, the solution lies in your inner self. If we were to sit down for a while and explore our inner self we would indeed end up finding a solution which would not only be in our own interest but would also enable us to do good for a lot of people around us.

So, there is no need to run after an algorithm or a person who can provide us with such an algorithm. People, who are referred to as godmen (pretty much self-proclaimed) tend to exploit us for every ignorance of ours.

Have we become so irrational so as to be exploited for our naive nature? Where has all the scientific temper and the logical thought process evaporated when it comes to religion or having beliefs which are surely going to harm us, if not now, then definitely in the near future.

Instead of running after happiness, one needs to find happiness in his or her inner self, for that is the only way out of one’s misery and problems that one happens to be encountering in today’s materialistic world, and trust me, no one in this world will be able to provide you with a ready made solution for all your miseries, expect you yourself.

So the idea is to: Think before you Act and not the other way round.

Source for Image:  http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/mind-guest-blog/2013/06/21/rationality-in-markets-is-cognitively-unnatural/

 

Being a Parent to your Child!

It seems like ages have gone by and here I am once again returning back to something that I so love doing. It is not that I didn’t have ideas to deliberate upon or think upon. Neither was it a lack of love towards what I generally call my hobby, though for some it might be a matter of bread and butter.

It might sound a cliche that for the past couple of days had just flown by without me realizing that it had been a while before I have had the opportunity to log on to my blog and look at what’s going on in the same. How often have you guys have had the same kind of experience of time just running away and you trying to catch up with the speed with which it seems to outrun you on every occasion?

It is very much like a cat and mouse game, similar to what we have seen in Tom and Jerry, where we know what’s going to be the outcome of the chase, yet we end up indulging in the same, for the want of the very activity that seems to propel us forward every time we think about the same.priority4

Somehow, I have realized that it is nearly impossible to do everything in the world that you might want to do or accomplish in life. Thinking about the to-do list that you might have prepared for yourself might give you jitters and might even end up giving you high BP and lot of stress.

I guess that’s why the entire concept of priority came into being. By putting all the content that you might have gathered in your to-do list and re-organizing it into a priority list might help you become more focus at the same time, make sure that you put all your efforts and energy into that one particular aim that you happen to find at the top of your priority list, rather than wondering about how you will be able to accomplish the rest of the things mentioned in your to-do list.

And by slowly moving towards the other items taking each one at a time, having successfully accomplished the first, not only gives you more confidence and motivation but also helps you overcome the stress associated with the thought process which always leaves that 1% chance of what if I am unable to accomplish what I had initially set for?

Isn’t it always good to be working without too much pressure on your shoulders? Which brings us to a point where parents in today’s world are expecting a lot of things from their kids. I often see kids with big bags on their shoulders going to tuition and coaching right after their school and ending up getting exhausted, just because their parents want them to outperform their best friend’s son or daughter, giving very little importance to what the kid might be interested in doing.hitting child

I know it is easier said than done and every parent wants their kid to reach the top of the ladder, but the thing that needs to be deliberated upon and argued is whether the parents are adopting the right approach when they end up forcing their child to do something which he or she might be totally averse to.

The other day, parents of a 16 year old, happened to visit, thinking that I might be able to help them with their so called self-perceived problem that their child happened to be facing.

After the initial introduction, the parents started talking about what all their child was doing wrong and the bad habits that their child had developed over time.

You see, he doesn’t listen to us. He is always into video games. I don’t know what to do with him. He has lost all his focus. He doesn’t even understand how his future is shaping up. If he continues to do so, how will he able to get through IITs.”—–Parents 

After having spoken for another 10-15 minutes, they finally took a deep breath, waiting for me to give them the magic wand that they believed would change their child’s future.

I am glad that you are concerned about your child. Very few parents, in today’s busy World are concerned about their kids. Many a times, they are found busy enjoying with their respective colleagues and friends. But Mr. X, have you ever spoken to your child about what you think would be good for him? Have you ever tried to understand what all things he might be going through in his school or coaching? 

Have you ever talked to your son about what he might want to do with his life? Mr. X, these are things that we as parents tend to forget about. Remember the days, when you yourself was a kid and how you would do things that your parents wouldn’t approve off, at times even indulging in things like smoking or drinking. Now, since you have become parents, you have stopped thinking like what it is like to be a child.

I am sure, Mr. X, that you want the best for your child, but then have you ever thought about his ambitions and his aim in life, what he might want to become or what aspirations he might have for himself. Mr. X, I have seen kids go into depression and indulge in unwanted activities like doing drugs etc, just because they are not able to convince their own parents that they are different from other children and need their own space and time to develop and grow into productive individuals in society, just because they don’t trust their parents to understand what they have to offer to them. 

More often than not, it is we parents who end up on the wrong side of the table not being able to understand and give support to our son’s or daughter’s wishes and ambitions. I am not saying that they are right in whatever they might be thinking, but then isn’t it better to discuss with them why some things are good and why some are not. That’s where, you as a parent, have to chip in with your advice and opinions that you have gathered over a huge span of time and the kind of experience that you have gained over your lifetime. After all your hair have not grown grey just like that :). 

Mr. X, isn’t it better to develop that faith and trust in your child towards you that no matter what happens to him, you will always be there to provide him with that unconditional support that he so deserves for being your child. Think of the times, when you craved for a son, and when he is there with you, you are not appreciating to the fullest the fact that you have been bestowed with a gift that you had so craved for. 

Mr. X, be gentle with him. Discuss his problems like a friend without being too judgmental about his opinions and views, even though they might be wrong. Listen to what he has to say to you, and if you think that there is something wrong in his thought process, then try to tell him things that you think are right at the same time giving reasons and concrete examples on why you think it as the right opinion or point of view in an extremely polite and gentle manner. 

I am sure, Mr. X, that this will go a long way in you developing a rapport with him, just like you have always wished for and your efforts will certainly pay off sometime in the near future.parent-child-relationship

We chatted for some more time, after which, the parents took my leave. Though I had spoken my heart out and had tried convincing them of the virtues of being an understanding parent, I wonder when that time would come when all the parents in this world would begin to accept their child in the manner he or she is, without making any comparison with the kid-next-door, without worrying about whether the kid will be successful in keeping the family’s flag flying high, without expecting too much from him or her and loving him or her unconditionally for what he or she is.

Source for Image: http://www.scfamilylaw.com/2013/07/11/study-examines-the-effects-of-divorce-on-childrens-relationships-later-in-life/http://menz.org.nz/menz-issues/june-1998/http://blog.patsnap.com/?p=468

एक आखरी मुलाक़ात !

Carrying on with my love affair of trying to get into some other person’s shoes or sandals as the case may be 😉 , here I am, again making an attempt at trying to understand the feelings and emotions that a person might be going through, thinking what if he is unable to meet the love of his life for the last and final time. I would like to title it as एक आखरी मुलाक़ात !

कभी कभी किसी से दूर चले जाने का एहसास इतना दर्द नहीं देता जितना कि ये सोच कि हम उस किसी ख़ास से आंखरी बार नहीं मिल पाए तो. उस दिन मेरे साथ भी ऐसा ही कुछ हो रहा था. जहाँ एक ओर उस किसी ख़ास से एक आंखरी बार मिलने के लिए दिल बेकरार था, वहीँ दूसरी ओर इस बात का डर भी था कि उसने मिलने से मना कर दिया तो.

इसी उधेर बुन में मैंने उसे एक आंखरी बार फ़ोन करने का निश्चय किया. बहुत देर तक फ़ोन की घंटी बजती रही पर किसी ने फ़ोन नहीं उठाया. हताश हो कर, मैं जैसे ही एअरपोर्ट के लिए निकलने ही वाला था, तभी मेरा फ़ोन बज उठा. अपने मोबाइल पर प्रकट होते हुए नंबर को देख के मेरी ख़ुशी का ठिकाना नहीं रहा. मैं विश्वास नहीं कर पा रहा था कि फ़ोन उसी का था.girl fighting boy

कभी कभी आप को खुद नहीं पता होता कि आप ज़िन्दगी से क्या चाहते हैं. बस सभी की तरह आप भी ज़िन्दगी के उस बहाव में अपने आप को छोड़ देते हैं, इस आशा से कि ये ज़िन्दगी आपके साथ अच्छा व्यहवार करेगी. मुझे भी इस बात का ज़रा सा भी अंदेशा नहीं था कि जो मैं करने जा रहा था वो मेरी ज़िन्दगी के लिए सही सिद्ध होगा या नहीं. हाँ पर एक विश्वास ज़रूर था कि जो भी होता है अच्छे के लिए ही होता है.

मैंने जल्दी से फ़ोन को उठाया. मानो मेरी सारी परेशानी दुनिया की सबसे हसीन आवाज़ को सुनकर एक पल के लिए गायब हो गयी. हाँ वो कोई और नहीं, मेरी ज़िन्दगी का वो प्यार थी जिसके लिए बिना कुछ सोचे समझे उसके चेहरे पे एक हसी लाने के लिए मैं कुछ भी करने को तैयार हो जाया करता था. जिसकी एक झलख मेरे पूरे दिन की थकान को मिटा देती थी. जिसकी एक अदा पे मैं मरने को भी तैयार हो जाता था. जिसका शर्माना मुझे किसी और ही दुनिया में भेज देता था. जिसके कान के वो झुमके मुझे अपनी ओर आकर्षित करते थे. जिसके घुंगराले बालों में मैं अपने को खो देना चाहता था. हाँ वो कोई और नहीं वही लड़की थी जिसके साथ मैंने अपनी ज़िन्दगी बिताने के सपने देखे थे.

“क्या तुम मुझसे मिल सकती हो?” मुझे इस बात की काफी कम उम्मीद थी की वो मुझसे मिलने को तैयार हो जायेगी.
“हाँ, पर केवल थोड़ी देर के लिए.” मुझे विश्वास ही नहीं हो रहा था की इतना सब हो जाने के बाद भी वो मुझसे मिलने को तैयार हो गयी थी.
मुझे खुद नहीं पता था कि मैं उससे मिल के क्या कहूँगा. हमारे बीच वैसे भी सब कुछ ख़तम ही हो गया था. क्या मुझे इस बात की उम्मीद थी कि वो मेरे पास फिर से एक बार लौट आयेगी? क्या मैं एक बार फिर से उस बीतें हुई ज़िन्दगी को वापस लाना चाहता था? क्या मेरा उसके प्रति प्यार मुझे जाने कि इजाज़त नहीं दे रहा था? क्या मैं चाहता था कि हम दोनों फिर से एक बार साथ हो जाए? क्या उसे अपने से दूर जाता हुआ देख मैं अपने आप को संभाल नहीं पा रहा था? इन सवालों का मेरे पास कोई जवाब नहीं था या शायद मैं इन जवाबों को जान कर भी स्वीकार नहीं करना चाहता था.

शायद मुझे इसी पल का इंतज़ार था. शायद इतने दिनों से मैं इसी मौके की तलाश में था. शायद यही वो मेरी ज़िन्दगी का निर्णायक पल होने वाला था. शायद यही वो आंखरी मौका था जब मैं उसे एक बार फिर से इस बात के लिए राज़ी कर सकता था कि हम फिर से एक साथ हो जाये. और इस बार मैं अपनी कोशिश में कोई कमी नहीं करना चाहता था. मुझे पता था कि गलती मुझसे ही हुई थी पर इसका मतलब ये तो नहीं था कि हम अलग हो जाये. आखिर गलती हर इंसान से होती है. बड़प्पन तो इसी में होता है कि हम उन गलतियों को अनदेखा कर अपनी ज़िन्दगी को और हसीन बनाने की कोशिश करें.

उसे सामने देख जहाँ एक ओर मैं बेहद खुश था वहीँ दूसरी ओर मुझे बिलकुल भी समझ नहीं आ रहा था कि मैं उसको कैसे राज़ी करूंगा. बात बहुत आगे बढ़ चुकी थी.
“तुम्हे पता है कि मैंने ज़िन्दगी में सबसे ज्यादा प्यार आज तक किसे किया है? वो कोई और नहीं तुम हो. हाँ मैं मानता हूँ मुझसे गलती हुई है. मुझे तुम्हे पहले ही सब कुछ बता देना चाहिए था, पर इसके लिए क्या तुम मुझे इतनी बड़ी सज़ा दोगी. क्या मुझे अपनी गलती सुधारने का एक मौका भी नहीं मिलेगा? मैं तुमसे वादा करता हूँ कि मैं सब कुछ ठीक कर दूंगा. फिर से हम उन्ही पुराने दिनों में वापस लौट जायेंगे. क्या तुम मेरे साथ अपनी ज़िन्दगी नहीं बिताना चाहती?….” कहते कहते मैं चुप हो गया. उसकी दोनों आँखों से आंसुओ की लड़ी बह रही थी. बिना कुछ बोले मैंने उसको अपनी बाहों में ले लिया.

“मैं इतने दिनों तक यहीं सोचती रही कि तुमने मुझसे बात करने की कोशिश क्यों नहीं करी. और फिर एक दिन मुझे तुम्हारे ही एक दोस्त से पता चला की तुमने ये देश छोड़ कर जाने का निश्चय कर लिया है. इसी उम्मीद में कि तुम मुझे एक फ़ोन तो करोगे, मैं तुम्हारा इंतज़ार करती रही, पर तुम्हारा फ़ोन नहीं आया. तुम्हे पता है अगर आज तुम्हारा फ़ोन नहीं आता तो मैं पूरी तरह से टूट जाती. क्या तुम्हे हमारे रिश्ते पे इतना सा भी भरोसा नहीं था? क्या तुम्हे मुझपे भरोसा नहीं था? मैंने तुम्हारा हर स्थिति में साथ देने का वादा किया था, तो फिर मैं अपने वादे से पीछे कैसे हट सकती थी? क्या तुम इतनी आसानी से मुझे छोड़ के चले जाते?” मैंने गलती तो की ही थी, पर उससे बड़ी गलती ये थी कि मैंने उसे सुधारने का भी कोई प्रयत्न नहीं किया था.girl meeting boy

मुझे पता था कि मुझे इश्वर ने अपनी गलती सुधारने का एक मौका और दे दिया था. मुझे पता था कि एक बार फिर से वो मेरी ज़िन्दगी में खुशियाँ भरने को तैयार हो गयी थी. आप चाहे जो भी कहें, लड़कियां हम लड़कों से ज्यादा समझदार और भावनात्मक रूप में हम लड़कों से कहीं ज्यादा शक्तिशाली होती हैं. साथ ही साथ उनमें क्षमा भाव भी हम लडको से सामान्य रूप में ज्यादा ही होता है.

कहते हैं अंत भला तो सब भला, पर कभी कभी इस बात को मैं सोच के डर जाता हूँ कि अगर उस दिन मुझे वो आंखरी मुलाकात करने का अवसर नहीं प्राप्त हुआ होता तो क्या होता. इसलिए मेरी आप सभी से गुजारिश है कि अपने साथी से कुछ ना छुपाये. विश्वास एक ऐसी बुनियाद है जिसपे हर रिश्ता अपना अस्तित्व निर्धारित कर ज़िन्दगी में आगे बढ़ता है. इसलिए इस विश्वास की नीव को कभी भी कमज़ोर ना होने दे.

Source for Image: http://nareshkhoisnam.blogspot.in/2012/03/tale-of-manipuri-boy-episode-8.html, http://www.agefotostock.com/en/Stock-Images/Royalty-Free/ETL-ZZ028012

Still Deciphering!

Somehow the past couple of days flew by in a flash and here I am welcoming you all once again to what I would like to call a thought provoking but all time favourite topic that has and will continue to have an immense impact on not only me but the entire society of ours, whether we like it or not.

Philosophers have tried it, psychologists have also given their best to understand the behaviour and the emotions, but no one seems to have deciphered the practical application or predictability of the very form of emotion that we all tend to fall in love with.

Yes! I am talking about an emotion none other than love itself. Whenever I use this term or come across this 4 letter word, the first thing that seems to occupy my mind space is my very own brother who was named Lav a couple of decades back by my very dear grandparents, expecting that I will follow soon after ;).

But coming back to the romantic meaning of the term, I tend to get perplexed thinking about the whole process of falling (I wonder why not rising 🙂) in love.

It all starts on the day when you meet someone from the opposite sex and get physically attracted to her/him. It could be anything ranging from liking some of the personality traits or attributes that the person might be emitting in the form of a halo created right at the back of his/her head to liking the mannerisms that the person seem to demonstrate in a social gathering.

The question that arises here is: Why is it then that it is called pure/true love? This can happen to anyone in any social gathering what so ever.

To some extent, yes! It can. Then what is it that differentiates the feeling of love from the casual attraction that might have occured in a one-off gathering?

In all probabilities it is the committment that one makes after falling in love with another person that seems to create that divide between falling for someone and spending one’s entire life with the same person.

Some of my friends who have already got married seem to be very unhappy about the fact that their chances of staring and wooing another girl have gone down the drain after getting married. They seem to suggest that boredom has begun to capture their lives and they seem to be caught in a cobweb with no reprieve to be found anywhere.

Indeed, it can be a miserable situation for people who tend to develop this kind of a thinking. After all, who doesn’t want to be a free bird? Who would like to shoulder all the responsibility if it were not not for the social norms?

Somehow, I feel the entire concept of getting married is losing its charm. Thanks to the thinking that our youth seems to be developing, the institution will soon meet its end, if effective and corrective measures are not taken.

Imagine, how our lives would have been, if we were deserted by our parents? Would I even be writing on this platform as a liberated individual or for that matter would I even be knowing how to write?

It is all because I was provided an opportunity to evolve as an individual that I am able to do all this. And all the credit for this goes to the ever intact family system that our country takes much pride in projecting the world over.

Some of you might be thinking that it is a hell lot of a task to accomplish the feat that our parents managed to pull off so beautifully. Trust me, it takes only a word to be able to emulate or even improve upon what our parents did.

Some might call it compromise but I would like to put it as DISCIPLINE.

We all need to be disciplined in life if we want to make it big. Then why ignore this aspect in, what according to me, is the most significant of things to have ever crossed your life!

It is very natural for a guy to get attracted towards another girl or vice-versa, even after being involved in a relationship. But such instincts need to be curtailed and curbed affectively, in order to ensure that our societal structure remains intact and is saved from disintegration.

So. can I take the liberty of defining love in an extremely crude manner as: ” the discipline imposed on the alternative competitive instincts”. THINK ABOUT IT!

Source for Image: http://lovequotesandmore.net/, http://yunuenth86.wordpress.com/2012/06/18/discipline-4/,http://www.macslocalbuys.com/2012/04/14/its-party-time/